Can I tell you a secret? I have a love-hate relationship with goals.
As a coach and hypnotherapist, I know they’re vital to create clarity, focus and motivation.
BUT they can also feel like a pressure and if you don’t achieve the goals you set for yourself, you can end up feeling like a big, ol’ failure.
So, how can you set goals that inspire rather than make you feel like crap?
The answer is not to fall into the trap of setting what I call ‘good girl goals’.
And what do I mean by ‘good girl goals’?
Well these are goals that you feel you ‘should’ be achieving. They come from your Inner Good Girl – the part of you that desperately wants to fit in, please others, be seen as doing well and not put her head above the parapet.
How do you know if you’re setting good girl goals?
There are some tell-tale signs to look out for:
- When you think about your goal, you feel deflated rather than excited.
- When you consider your ‘Why?’ for setting the goal, the answer is likely to include a ‘should’, ‘must’ or ‘ought to’. I really should be earning that much in my business by now. I ought to be healthier. I must blog more often because everyone else says it’s important.
- When you focus on how it will be when you achieve your goal, it doesn’t feel like it will add much to your life.
- The motivation for setting the goal came from comparing yourself to someone else.
- You’re finding it challenging to start taking action towards your goal.
- If you achieve a good girl goal, you feel flat rather than amazing. (Anti-climax ahoy!)
Moving towards a good girl goal is a darnright struggle and no fun at all.
When I work with my clients, I help them to tune into their ‘Unbounded Self’ goals – goals that come from a place of expansiveness and possibility, rather than conditioning and limitation.
Although Unbounded Self goals can be challenging (because they tend to be super-juicy), moving towards them is a much more joyful experience.
Here’s a fail-safe way to check whether you’ve set a good girl goal:
1. Pick a specific goal that you’re working towards at the moment.
2. Say the goal to yourself, either out loud or silently in your mind, and notice how you feel in your body. What physical sensations do you feel as you focus on your goal?
3. Do these physical sensations feel expansive or constricting?
You’ll probably be able to tell this straight away, as I’m pretty sure you’re tuned into what feels great and what feels blah. If you’re not sure, focus on something you know you feel good about and notice how that feels in your body, then focus on something you feel icky about and notice how that feels. You can then compare these sensations to those you experience when you think about your goal.
For me, when I think about an Unbounded Self goal, I get an expansive, tug forward from my belly. When I focus on a good girl goal, I get a constricted, feeling in my belly, like it’s shrinking in on itself. You can tell that my belly is my emotional compass, can’t you?
If you find that you’ve set yourself a good girl goal, you can decide whether you want to shift it so it feels more unbound, OR let it go completely.
You’re back in the driving seat!
Btw It’s fine to feel scared when you’re thinking about a particular goal. Fear is completely normal when you’re moving out of your comfort zone. Again you can check in with your body to see whether it’s an expansive, scary-but-good kinda fear or a constrictive, I’m-only-doing-this-because-I-feel-I-should fear.
Moving away from good girl goals and towards unbounded self goals is key to creating the life and business you truly desire.
If you’re ready to create a deliciously abundant life and business and would like to explore how I can help you to do this, let’s talk. Click here to access my diary and book in for a complimentary 30-minute Clarity Call.
Here’s to living an unbound life!
Nicola x
