Many of the women I work with as clients and within my online UNBOUND community tell me that connection is one of their most important values. It is for me too (alongside freedom).
But from my own experience and from speaking with these same women, I’ve noticed that we often feel detached from life in some way, isolated. It’s as if there’s a big party going on and we’re standing outside on tiptoes looking through the window, wondering how the hell everyone else seems to be having such a good time.
This is a lonely feeling. And when you value connection so highly, it can be deeply confusing to experience this profound sense of disconnection. It’s like being unable to stay fully plugged into the richness of life.
I’ve wondered for a long time why this might be. Not least because this is something I’ve struggled with myself. I’ve cultivated a deep sense of connection in my work, but often outside of that, even with close friends and family, I can feel like an observer, like I’m not fully present.
And I know there could be a lot of reasons for feeling like an outsider. Right now the world is not exactly set up for unbound women. So we can end up feeling ‘other’ in some way. But I want to share with you something that’s bubbled up into my awareness recently, because maybe it will resonate with you?
A question that popped into my head recently as I was journaling on this feeling of detachment was, have I ever truly allowed myself to arrive here in my physical body, on this planet Earth?
Maybe this seems like a strange question? I mean, of course I ‘arrived’! I’m here, aren’t I? And as I sit here writing this, on my porch, in the early October sunshine, I’ve been here for nearly 46 years.
But am I fully here?
Is there a part of me that resisted arriving?
When I ask myself this last question, the answer clearly comes back as a ‘Yes’. And if you’ll indulge me, I’lll share some more of my story to explain why this might be (and why a part of you may have resisted arriving too).
My very first experiences in this life were traumatic. When my mother was six days beyond her prescribed due date, doctors decided that labour should be induced. Her waters were broken and I was eventually born via forceps.
The message here was quite clearly that nature (and my mother’s body) did not know best. My soft baby head was wrenched out into the world between a pair of forceps. Welcome Nicola!
The whole energy around my birth is one of panic, of rushing and being forced into a world I wasn’t ready for.
No wonder I wanted to dwell in my mother’s womb a little longer.
As a side note, please know, I’m not blaming anyone here. This was back in the early seventies. I was my mother’s first child and the prevailing idea was that medical doctors knew best. And maybe the way I was born was for the best? Maybe there would have been complications if I’d been born any other way? Who knows?
But I can see that maybe this is part of the reason why I didn’t allow myself to truly arrive here. A part of me wanted to hold back, retreat, not fully land in my physical experience.
And it’s not just during birth that this resistance to being present can show up. As the sensitive, unbound women we are, the day-to-day push and shove of ‘normal’ life can feel traumatic. Each time someone doesn’t get you, every time you don’t feel seen or heard, every time you can’t find the words to fully describe your experience, to make yourself understood, a part of you can long to go home.
But if you believe, as I do, that each of us has chosen to be here at this time, then you are home. So, the question is, what might help you to allow yourself to be fully here?
An idea to play with and three power questions
One idea I’m playing with is to hold some kind of Arrival Ceremony. The purpose of this ceremony would be to honour and send deep love to the part of me that has resisted being here, to let her know she is understood and to gently invite her to join me in making a decision to fully arrive. To create a ritual that claims my place on the Earth and in my body. To choose to be here in a way that feels good for me. And to acknowledge that every experience I’ve had so far has led me to a place where I’m able to make this conscious choice for myself. Choosing to fully land here from an empowered place of knowing.
How does that sound?
Maybe you’re reading this and thinking, ‘Nicola, what are you talking about? This doesn’t speak to me’. And if that’s the case, thank you for hearing me out.
But if this idea resonates with you, then I invite you to ask yourself:
What do I need to do to allow myself to fully arrive?
What does the part of me that’s resisted being here need right now?
How can I make myself feel more at home here in this physical body?
Listen to the answers you receive and if you’d like to share, come join me over in my free online community for UNBOUND women. I’d love to hear what comes up for you around this.
I’ll be hosting a virtual Arrival Ceremony later this month. Click here for more details and to claim your space.
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