Ever feel like you’re stuck in some area of your life (finances, relationships, health), but you’re not sure exactly what’s holding you back?
What is it that’s preventing you from stepping into your full potential, shining your light as brightly as you surely can and living life the way you truly desire?
The truth is, sometimes we can go round and round in circles trying to figure it out. Maybe you journal on it, talk to a friend or read a self-help book, but the same ‘stuff’ keeps coming up time and time again.
I get it.
I’ve been there and it’s pretty darn frustrating.
Usually as we’re trying to ‘figure it out’, we’re using our conscious minds, trying to logically reason why on earth we’re feeling so stuck.
But the truth is, if you’re feeling blocked in some way, it’s likely that something is going on subconsciously – and your subconscious mind is not the most rational place. Believe me, as a hypnotherapist, I’ve become used to the very particular ‘logic’ of the subconscious mind over the years.
The good new is there’s a simple way to bypass your conscious mind and tap into what’s really going on. It’s a technique I use myself and share with my clients to help uncover and shift blocks of all kinds.
It involves tapping into the inner knowing of your body and it’s a super-quick route to more ease and flow. Let me share it with you now:
1.Start to focus on the area of your life where you’re feeling stuck at the moment. Be as specific as you can, thinking about a particular situation, issue or relationship.
2. Notice how you feel in your body as you focus on that particular issue. What sensations are you experiencing and where?
3. Tune into whichever part of your body you feel drawn to most. As you focus on the physical sensation you’re feeling there, ask yourself, ‘If this was an emotion, what it be?’ Notice what comes to mind.
4. Stay tuned into that particular part of your body and ask yourself, ‘If this sensation was a colour, what would it be?’ Notice what comes to mind.
5. Now you have a part of your body, a sensation, an emotion and a colour, ask yourself when you first experienced this. For example, ‘When did I first experience this tight, blue, angry feeling in my throat?’
6. Notice what comes to mind. It’s very likely that you’ll think of a particular memory and if one doesn’t come, just guess when you first experienced this feeling. Hint: You cannot get this wrong, whatever comes up will be coming for a reason. Choose to be open to whatever your subconscious presents to you.
7. Now you have a specific memory, this is GOLD. Rather than trying to figure it out for yourself, your subconscious has given you the precise piece of the puzzle you need right now. All you need to do is trust that this is the case.
Focus on the memory that’s come to mind. Ask yourself, ‘What did I learn here? What did this experience make me believe about myself and the world?’
Take some time to journal on what comes up and begin to reframe it.
For example, when I was doing some personal work recently, a memory came up from when I was a little girl that had made me believe that when I express myself, I make people angry.
As I thought back to the situation that had come to mind, I could see that it wasn’t me that had made people angry, there was much more going on at the time that I simply hadn’t been aware of as a child.
The belief that expressing myself made people angry had been preventing me from being fully myself, in my personal life and business. But as I worked with this memory, that old belief began to shift.
I would never have got to that memory, if I hadn’t tuned into it via the steps I suggested above. It’s not a memory that had ever come to mind before.
And that’s why this technique is SO powerful.
When I work with clients, I combine this approach with hypnotherapy or EFT tapping, but you can easily use it for yourself to access information that would otherwise be out of your awareness.
Hint: Awareness is always the first step to change.
Try it out for yourself and see what new insights come to you.
Can I tell you a secret? I have a love-hate relationship with goals.
As a coach and hypnotherapist, I know they’re vital to create clarity, focus and motivation.
BUT they can also feel like a pressure and if you don’t achieve the goals you set for yourself, you can end up feeling like a big, ol’ failure.
So, how can you set goals that inspire rather than make you feel like crap?
The answer is not to fall into the trap of setting what I call ‘good girl goals’.
And what do I mean by ‘good girl goals’?
Well these are goals that you feel you ‘should’ be achieving. They come from your Inner Good Girl – the part of you that desperately wants to fit in, please others, be seen as doing well and not put her head above the parapet.
How do you know if you’re setting good girl goals?
There are some tell-tale signs to look out for:
When you think about your goal, you feel deflated rather than excited.
When you consider your ‘Why?’ for setting the goal, the answer is likely to include a ‘should’, ‘must’ or ‘ought to’. I really should be earning that much in my business by now. I ought to be healthier. I must blog more often because everyone else says it’s important.
When you focus on how it will be when you achieve your goal, it doesn’t feel like it will add much to your life.
The motivation for setting the goal came from comparing yourself to someone else.
You’re finding it challenging to start taking action towards your goal.
If you achieve a good girl goal, you feel flat rather than amazing. (Anti-climax ahoy!)
Moving towards a good girl goal is a darnright struggle and no fun at all.
When I work with my clients, I help them to tune into their ‘Unbounded Self’ goals – goals that come from a place of expansiveness and possibility, rather than conditioning and limitation.
Although Unbounded Self goals can be challenging (because they tend to be super-juicy), moving towards them is a much more joyful experience.
Here’s a fail-safe way to check whether you’ve set a good girl goal:
1. Pick a specific goal that you’re working towards at the moment.
2. Say the goal to yourself, either out loud or silently in your mind, and notice how you feel in your body. What physical sensations do you feel as you focus on your goal?
3. Do these physical sensations feel expansive or constricting?
You’ll probably be able to tell this straight away, as I’m pretty sure you’re tuned into what feels great and what feels blah. If you’re not sure, focus on something you know you feel good about and notice how that feels in your body, then focus on something you feel icky about and notice how that feels. You can then compare these sensations to those you experience when you think about your goal.
For me, when I think about an Unbounded Self goal, I get an expansive, tug forward from my belly. When I focus on a good girl goal, I get a constricted, feeling in my belly, like it’s shrinking in on itself. You can tell that my belly is my emotional compass, can’t you?
If you find that you’ve set yourself a good girl goal, you can decide whether you want to shift it so it feels more unbound, OR let it go completely.
You’re back in the driving seat!
Btw It’s fine to feel scared when you’re thinking about a particular goal. Fear is completely normal when you’re moving out of your comfort zone. Again you can check in with your body to see whether it’s an expansive, scary-but-good kinda fear or a constrictive, I’m-only-doing-this-because-I-feel-I-should fear.
Moving away from good girl goals and towards unbounded self goals is key to creating the life and business you truly desire.
If you’re ready to create a deliciously abundant life and business and would like to explore how I can help you to do this, let’s talk. Click here to access my diary and book in for a complimentary 30-minute Clarity Call.
As we come to the end of 2015, it’s helpful (and healing) to look back and reflect on how this year has been – and in particular to acknowledge our learnings.
For me this year has been far more transformational than I could ever have imagined (and often uncomfortably so!) In this blog post I’m sharing some BIG lessons that have come through for me during the year, as well as some personal decisions that have impacted on my life in a positive way.
Please note, this is an unashamedly long blog-post, but worth it – I promise!
Lesson No 1 – The gold in the darkness
This year did not go as planned for me at all. After a great start to 2015, by the end of the summer things began to go off track.
Business dried up. Even my hypnotherapy practice was struggling and this had always provided a steady income for me.
I started to feel as low as I’d done for many years – totally lacking in inspiration and energy.
One family challenge after another seemed to come up – including serious health issues.
All of this rocked me and made me question the path I was on.
But even at the darkest of times this year, I tried to hold onto the fact it was all happening for a reason (even though this was super-tough at times).
In the last few months of 2015, I’ve done some profound inner work which I probably would have skirted around for years if everything had been ticking along nicely.
The most challenging of times has truly brought me the greatest of rewards – getting to know and embracing my full self, giving myself the space to see the direction I want to move in and letting go of what wasn’t serving me.
In the darkness we’re forced to recognise and draw on our inner treasures and that’s exactly what’s happened for me over the last few months of 2015.
That’s why I can honestly say that this year has been one of the most transformational I’ve experienced in recent years (which is quite something, as my work is all about transformation).
Over to you: Take some time to reflect on any challenges you’ve experienced this year. What did you learn? Where did they lead you? What was the gold in your darkness?
And if you’re ready to do some super-powerful inner work in the first 3 months of 2016, click here for an invitation to Your Heroine’s Journey.
Lesson No 2 – Choosing a word for the year is more powerful than you imagine
In the past I’d always thought that choosing a word for the year was fun to do, but not hugely meaningful. How wrong I was!
My word for the year has been UNBOUND. I chose this as one of my core desired feelings at the end of 2014 when working through ‘The Desire Map‘ by Danielle Laporte (which is highly recommended btw).
Early this year I created this image to sum up what unbound means to me.
I never imagined the huge impact this word would have on me personally and in my business.
It was a big part of the inspiration for me to write my book ‘Heal Your Inner Good Girl’ which is about reconnecting with your Unbounded Self (look out for it in the Spring of 2016!).
When I came up with the concept, I was excited about getting to know my Unbounded Self. After all, this is what my year was all about – letting go of limitations and embracing myself fully.
But when I created a meditation designed to help me connect with my Unbounded Self, I was shocked to discover what she was like.
My Unbounded Self was a dark, powerful, elemental force. At first I couldn’t see her clearly – she was like a whirling energy that felt out of control.
It was actually uncomfortable for me to spend time in her presence. (I’d actually been much more comfortable during the meditation I created to connect with my inner good girl!)
I ended the Unbounded Self meditation sensing that she was full of rage which left me totally confused, until I recognised that she represented the full expression of me – including the heavier, darker emotions that I’d often suppressed in the past.
Of course she was full of rage – I’d rarely allowed myself to express anger. As a 9 on the enneagram, I pretty much do anything I can to avoid conflict. But my Unbounded Self was calling me to acknowledge my rage, my anger, my frustration and to channel this powerful energy.
As I wrote about this for my book, I realised that many women would feel the same. Many of us were told that being angry wasn’t ‘nice’- the message being, we should put up and shut up.
But what happens to all of that anger and rage?
It’s there, bubbling away, and unless we find a way to express it, our anger can become toxic.
So by choosing ‘unbound’ as my word for the year, I’ve connected with a part of myself I’d disowned and in doing that I feel more powerful, more complete, more whole. And it’s taken me in a new direction in the work I’m focusing on with my clients – helping women to express and be their full, unbounded selves.
Over to you: If you haven’t already, choose a word that describes how you want to feel in 2016. Know that it will impact on you in ways you can’t yet imagine.
Lesson No 3 – Get the freakin’ full body massage
Having a monthly massage has been a non-negotiable self-care ritual for me since I did my counselling training a few years ago.
I know I can hold emotional and psychological tension in my body, particularly my shoulders, and my monthly massage makes sure it doesn’t get a chance to build up.
Before this year I’d always opted to have a back, neck and shoulder massage. I knew these were the areas I tended to hold tension and I also hated to have my legs massaged – in fact they always felt so tender and sensitive that I literally wanted to kick any massage therapist who came near them!
But I knew that the areas we resist being pummelled are probably the areas where we need it most (the same goes for inner work – the gold is ALWAYS in the places we don’t want to look).
Our legs are all about the ability to move forward and by neglecting them, I was preventing myself from moving forward freely.
So this year I bit the bullet and told my massage therapist, Dannie, that I was going to try a full body massage. I breathed deeply as she massaged my legs and affirmed to myself, ‘I’m willing to move forward’.
And do you know what? It wasn’t as bad as I expected. In fact, it felt amazing for my whole body to benefit from a massage.
I couldn’t believe that I’d been having half a massage for so long.
Even though it’s painful sometimes when Dannie gets to my legs, I know I’m enjoying a much fuller experience.
Over to you: What are you feeling resistance to at the moment? Can you find a way to be bold and go there? How can you make self-care more of a priority in 2016? Where in your life would you benefit from going all in? Don’t be satisfied with half measures
Lesson No 4 – Good girl goals don’t work
One of the revelations I’ve had this year is that my Inner Good Girl has been having a far bigger impact on me than I’d previously imagined.
I always knew I had a part of me that wanted me to stay quiet and small, but as I’ve been working on my book I’ve realised that my Inner Good Girl was much more complex than that.
As well as holding me back, she was very often responsible for pushing me forwards.
My Inner Good Girl is the part of me that wants to keep up with others and be seen as successful. And this means she is BIG on goals.
The problem is that the goals my Inner Good Girl pushes me to move towards are very often out of alignment with my true desires. This means it’s blooming hard work to build up the momentum to achieve them.
An example: Earlier this year I thought I’d had a brilliant idea when I decided to set a goal for myself to reach financial freedom by my 45th birthday, at the end of 2016. The inspiration came to me suddenly and initially I was really excited by it.
I’m a quick action-taker so I recorded a video stating my goal and asked others to join me. I knew that by making a public declaration, I’d be more committed to the outcome.
All went well at first – lots of people were interested and wanted to join me. I put a strategy in place and even ran a free financial freedom challenge.
But as I moved into the latter part of the year, I just couldn’t get excited about my financial freedom goal any more. In fact, the very idea of working towards it felt draining.
It was then I realised that this was a Good Girl Goal – a goal I’d set for myself because it seemed ‘right’. It was a clear, definite goal, one that I knew others would be interested in AND it would be a huge achievement when I reached it. Plus it would make me look super-successful.
All the things that my Inner Good Girl valued.
But as I stripped it back, I realised that I’m not actually that driven by the idea of financial freedom.
Of course, it would be nice to have (I mean, who wouldn’t want to be financially free?), but ‘nice to have’ just isn’t compelling enough for me.
Good Girl Goals don’t cut it. They drain your energy, rather than inspire you. They feel like a chore, rather than a joy. They constrict, rather than expand.
So, I decided to let my financial freedom goal go. I’ve set my intention and who knows, maybe I will be financially free by the end of 2016? But I’m not going to strive for it.
Over to you: Check in with any goals you’ve already made for 2016 – do they feel like Good Girl Goals? Are they about looking good, rather than feeling amazing? If so, ask yourself, ‘What do I really want?’ and set some new Unbounded Self intentions.
Lesson No 5 – You’re often far closer to your dreams than you imagine
This follows on from lesson number 4 as when I started to reflect on my financial freedom goal, I realised that I already had much of what I was striving for.
You know when you do those ‘ideal day’ exercises? You imagine what your ideal day would be like and write down exactly what you would do, who you’d spend time with, where you’d be.
I’ve done that exercise countless times and even included it as part of my financial freedom challenge.
When I write about my ideal day, it’s always pretty much the same – I’m living by the sea with Mr H. I get up each day, do some yoga, write, see a one-to-one client in my gorgeous therapy room, go for a walk by the sea, have lunch with a friend and then cook dinner for Mr H and I.
It’s not too ‘out there’, is it? But this is what would make me happy. This is my ideal day.
And a couple of months ago, as I was out for a walk on Southampton Common I realised that actually I was pretty much living my ideal life right now.
I don’t live right on the sea, but I do live on the south coast within easy access to the beach. And apart from that, I can tick every single box on my ideal day checklist.
I couldn’t believe I’d never seen this before. It was only when I allowed myself to slow down, do less and shift my priorities that I realised I pretty much have everything I wanted right now.
My. Ideal. Life.
I simply allowed myself to appreciate all that I have already. Something I knew and was teaching to others, but wasn’t fully doing myself.
And I guess it’s not just me that this is the case for.
Over to you: When you think about your ideal day, how much of it have you actually got access to already? Rather than focusing on how far away your dreams seem, choose to notice how close they are to you.
Lesson No 6 – Choosing to go grey
This was part of my commitment to being ‘unbound’ in 2015. I decided to stop dying my hair and allow my natural grey to come through.
I got my first grey hairs when I was in my mid-teens and as I had dark brown hair, I noticed them immediately.
I only had a couple at first, but by my late twenties, they were much more noticeable and I started to dye my hair.
After 15 years of doing this every few weeks, I was completely fed up with it. I hated when my grey roots started to come through and was really conscious of them.
Mr H has been grey for years and encouraged me to follow suit. And I told myself that maybe when I was 50, I’d allow my grey to come through. (Why 50? I really don’t know!)
But was as I got towards the end of 2014, I asked myself, ‘Why not now?’ I had a strong desire to be completely me, truly authentic and how could I be that if I was slapping on dye every four weeks?
I talked to my hairdresser and he said that the grey would suit my skin colour and as I still had some dark hairs, it would be gradual process. So I decided to go for it.
I can’t tell you how liberating it was to stop dying my hair. But it was scary too as more and more grey came through.
For the first time in my life, I was going to have fair hair. I imagined that I’d look completely different. Would my clothes suit me, or would I have to get a new wardrobe?
But to be honest, over a year on from the last time I dyed my hair, the grey is still not completely through. I still have a fair amount of dark hair and because it’s been such a gradual process, I don’t notice the difference too much (although lots of other people have commented on it, mostly complimentary!)
But when I pull my hair back and see the grey underneath, sometimes I wobble as I see myself as an older woman.
Being young has always been part of my identity. People have often commented that I look young for my age and as I don’t have children, I’ve never moved into the ‘mother’ phase of my life.
So now it feels like I’m making a huge leap from young girl to older woman, from maiden towards crone, jarring my sense of identity.
And then I remember the wisdom I’ve gathered over the years through experience, the way I’m able to express myself more fully and know myself more completely and I lean into the joy of being a wiser, wilder older woman.
And it’s such a relief to be more fully me, to show the true me, instead of hiding behind hair dye.
Over to you: Where are you hiding a part of yourself? Where are you clinging on to an old identity that no longer serves you? What change could you make that you would allow you to be more you?
Lesson No 7 – Knowing it’s okay to be inconsistent
This has been a BIG lesson for me this year.
As a recovering good girl, I like to do things right and I’ve always been told that consistency is key in all parts of life, particularly in business.
That’s one of the reasons I always sent weekly newsletters to my community – every Wednesday, regular as clockwork. I blogged pretty much every week and posted consistently on social media.
Most of the time this felt good. Like you, I’m a creative and can always find something to write about and share.
But sometimes, I really didn’t feel like writing. Even when I didn’t have anything compelling to share, I felt I had to go ahead and do it anyway. It was like I was this content-producing machine that couldn’t stop. But of course, I’m not a machine. I’m a woman, which means I operate in a cyclic rather than linear way.
My very nature means that I’m inconsistent (this is one of the key learnings I took from Lisa Lister’s awesome book, ‘Code Red‘). So trying to fit into a consistent structure just wasn’t working for me. In fact, this year I saw it was draining me more than I realised.
Towards the end of the summer when I started to feel low and burned out, I knew that something had to change. As I took time to rest and recover, I stepped back from regular blogging. I let go of the need to send my newsletter every week. And I spent less time on social media.
I decided to write to my community when I felt inspired to.
And guess what? The world didn’t stop.
In fact, I received more interest in what I had to say than ever before.
I have far more time for myself.
And, rather than beating myself up for being inconsistent (which in the past I equated with being lazy), I now listen to my needs and inspirations, rather than over-riding them.
It feels SO good.
Over to you: What are you doing in your life and your business because you feel you ‘should’? What are you aching to let go of? How would it be if you did just that? Lean into that feeling.
So, that’s the 7 life lessons that have come through for me in 2015 (actually as I was writing, I realised there were far more than 7, but once I got to 3000 words, I thought that was enough for now!)
I invite you to comment below with a life lesson you’ve learned this year – I’d love to hear what’s come through for you.
I’ve always been a book-worm! Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve often to be found, squirrelled away with my nose in a book. So as we approach the end of 2015, I thought I’d look back and reflect on the books that have impacted on me the most this year (get them on your Christmas list!).
Please note: some of these books were actually published in 2015, but most of them weren’t. I wanted to include books that I’ve particularly enjoyed this year, regardless of when they were published.
Btw you can find a link to each book by clicking on the title.
I’m reading this right now and I’ve pretty much devoured it in a couple of days (which is always a good sign!)
I often write about enhancing your receive-ability as a key money mastery principle and this book looks at it from a slightly different angle. Palmer talks super-compellingly about her own experience of asking for help, money, a bed for the night whilst touring with her band and all sorts of other things.
She also writes about the importance of community, building your tribe of raving fans and how to do this using social media and blogging. All this combined with insights into her relationship with author, Neil Gaiman.
Believe me, this book is SO much more interesting than I’ve just made it sound!
This is for you if you need to get better at asking for support (and we pretty much ALL need to do that).
I’d been waiting for this book to come out for much of the year. I’m an avid follower of Elizabeth Gilbert on Facebook and often share her posts.
This book is about creativity and how to move through the challenges we often experience when we attempt to create something.
There are some fantastic perception-shifters here – my personal favourite was rather than being hung-up on having to follow your passion, follow your curiosity instead. It felt like such a relief to read this!
This is for you if you long to create anything in this world.
I first read this book a couple of years ago and was called back to it again recently on a rainy Sunday. I pretty much read the whole thing again in a few hours.
I ADORE this book! SARK writes about love, money, sexuality, business, creativity and adventure with the most amazing zest and lightness.
Plus she extols the many virtues of napping, which I love. The other day when I was working on my book and didn’t feel like sitting at my desk, I remembered how SARK often took to her bed to write in her pyjamas and I joyfully granted myself permission to follow suit.
This is for you if you are a woman who loves (or would like to do more) extravagant lounging.
Again this is a book that I’ve read before, but when I revisited it this year I took much more from it.
Presenting the teachings of Abraham, Esther and Jerry Hicks help us learn how to manifest our desires. What I particularly like are the 22 different processes they give us at the end of the book – all simple ways to raise your vibration and attract more into your life. I use many of these in my daily life.
Since reading this book, I’ve become an avid watcher of Abraham Hicks videos on Youtube and I always take away a new snippet of inspiration.
This is a joyful, expansive book and one I’ll come back to time and time again.
This is for you if you want to learn more about the law of attraction.
So that’s my top 8 books of 2015.
I didn’t want to create a list of 10 just for the sake of it, but there are some books that just missed out.
Do you have an uplifting morning routine that leaves you feeling energised and ready for the rest of the day?
Or do you tend to roll out of bed and straight into your day – checking emails, logging onto Facebook and mindlessly eating some breakfast?
I’ve been very up and down with my morning routine in the past. Sometimes I’ve made space to begin my day with meditation, reading and stretching. And at other times I’ve found myself switching the breakfast news on, jumping straight onto social media and then feeling a vague sense of unease and ‘busy-ness’ as I’ve gone through my day.
I’m a strong believer in the power of books and particularly reading the right book at the right time (when I say ‘reading’, I mean reading and implementing your learning!) When ‘The Miracle Morning‘ was recommended to me by three different people within the space of a couple of days, I took that as a sign that I needed to read it.
Quick tip: The Universe is always sending you signs, giving you clues to your next step. Pay attention when you hear or see something that feels important.
The idea Elrod shares in the book is that when we make time for personal development at the beginning of the day, we can create magic in our lives.
He suggests that we spend one hour doing a little bit of each of these activities: silence (meditation or prayer), reading, journalling, affirmations, visualisation and exercise.
To be honest when I read this I thought, ‘Well I kinda know this and I can’t see that it will make that much difference really.’
And I did know it.
I know that when you start your day in an intentional, focused way, life flows much more easily.
But, most of the time I wasn’t doing it!
So I decided to commit to The Miracle Morning and see what happened.
Now one of the benefits for me of having my own business is that I don’t have to set an alarm or get up at a particular time.
But as part of my miracle morning practice I committed to getting up at 6am (admittedly with some resistance, as I don’t like the feeling that I have to get up at a certain time).
The first morning I woke up before 6 (without an alarm) and felt surprisingly refreshed. I headed downstairs to do my miracle morning activities, completing them at 7 (before my normal wake-up time), leaving me plenty of time to have a relaxed breakfast and catch up with the world.
I’ve carried on every day since and I have to admit the results have been pretty miraculous!
New clients have been approaching me and asking to work with me.
I’m making more money (with much less work!)
I have far more time for myself to relax and play during the day.
More opportunities are coming my way.
Mr H keeps asking why I’m SO happy.
Because I’m starting my day with a clear intention, I’m creating far more flow and ease in my life.
I know that whatever happens during the day, I’ve already made time for myself – I’ve made myself a priority right at the beginning of each day. And that sends a powerful message to both my subconscious mind and out into the world.
So, here’s the lowdown on how I spend my Miracle Mornings:
6am I get up and head downstairs to my living room (it helps to get out of the bedroom and into a different space)
Pour myself a cup of hot water and lemon. (The perfect start-of-the-day drink!)
6.20am 10 minutes of reading. I tend to read a LOT throughout the day, but for this focused 10 minutes I choose an uplifting, inspiring book, usually related to money mindset.
6.30am 10 minutes of journaling. I’ve struggled with maintaining a regular journal practice in the past, so giving myself permission to write for just 10 minutes really helps. What I journal about varies – how I’m feeling, reflecting on the previous day, what I’m mindful of in that moment or a gratitude list.
6.40am 5 minutes of affirmations. I work with about 5-6 different affirmations at any one time and change them regularly according to my goals and desires. My super-special technique includes using EFT tapping to release anything that’s coming up for me first and then continuing tapping as I say my affirmations out loud (literally tapping into the positive statements!)
6.45am 5 minutes of visualisation. I combine a short-term visualisation of how I want my day to be with visions of my longer term desired outcomes. I sometimes reflect on my Pinterest dream board too. Click here for a blog post with my top tips for visualisation.
6.50am 10 minutes of exercise. I tend to go to the gym later in the day and do a more vigorous workout (my body prefers a gentle start to the day!) so for this 10 minutes I do some yoga – maybe some cat/cow stretches and then a few sun salutations. I like to do this in the conservatory with the door open, getting some fresh air and connecting with the outside.
7am Time for a cup of jasmine green tea and breakfast!
The great thing about a Miracle Morning is that you can adapt the routine to suit you. Maybe you want to include more exercise, or spend longer reading? It’s completely flexible.
The important thing is to begin your day with intention and self-love.
So, are you ready to start your Miracle Morning practice?
Comment below to let me know when you’ll be starting your Miracle Mornings and what time you’re committed to rising at (this is a powerful way of setting your intention).
Here’s to creating and allowing miracles in your life!
One of my favourite (and most-recommended) books when it comes to wealth consciousness is ‘The Big Leap’ by Gay Hendricks. It’s a great book (I’m on my 3rd time of reading) and in it Hendricks talks about the concept of the Upper Limit Problem.
An Upper Limit Problem (or ULP) happens when things are going well – maybe you’ve had the best month ever in your business, a fantastic launch or just signed up a dream client – you feel great and then out of the blue, something goes wrong.
You get sick.
You have a huge argument with your partner.
Or that dream client emails you to say actually, they can’t go ahead right now.
When something like this happens, it’s very unlikely to be a coincidence.
Something within you has responded to your (maybe unfamiliar) feeling
of flow, positivity and celebration and self-sabotage has kicked in.
This, my friend, is an Upper Limit Problem in action.
I’ve experienced this phenomenon many times. Just recently, I’ve got sick on two occasions after experiencing leaps forward in my business.
And ULPs don’t just happen in your business. They can show up in your relationships too.
Mr H and I had a huge argument on the very day we went to buy my engagement ring in London. It was meant to be a joyful, love-filled experience and we spent most of it bitching at each other.
So, why do ULPs happen?
Well, there can be a number of reasons and Hendricks covers these in more detail in ‘The Big Leap’. But basically, we experience an Upper Limit Problem when we have some kind of limiting belief(s) running subconsciously.
These limiting beliefs will be something like this:
‘I’m not good enough.’
‘I don’t deserve it.
‘Good things don’t last.’
‘It’s just too good to be true.’
These beliefs are often picked up when we’re very young. I was with my mum recently and she actually said, ‘You can’t expect too much of a good thing.’ My response was, ‘Why the heck not?’ But as a child, I would have just accepted that limiting statement as fact.
So, what can you do to move through an ULP and into a new level of abundance, love and joy?
Here are my recommended 3 steps:
1) Be aware of any potential Upper Limit Problems. When things are going well, look out for any signs of self-sabotage. Awareness is always the first step to change.
2) Reframe your ULP. Rather than beating yourself up for sabotaging yourself, if you notice this happening take it as a positive sign that you are growing and expanding.
3) Tap on it. Emotional Freedom Technique or tapping is my go-to tool for shifting any limiting beliefs or restrictive emotions that are coming up. I’ve created a special tapping routine specifically to help with Upper Limit Problems. You can see it below and tap along whenever you need to.
Top Tip: In the video I use Gay Hendricks’ Ultimate Success Mantra – combining tapping with positive affirmations and mantras is super-powerful.
Use this routine as often as you like to avoid self-sabotage and expand your capacity for money, success, abundance and love.
Don’t forget to comment below and let me know if you found this article and video helpful.
I spent last weekend at a music festival in my hometown of Southampton and one of the headline acts, Grace Jones, completely blew me away with her performance and totally umcomprimising attitude.
She is a complete star in every sense of the word and the personification of a ‘diva’.
Seeing her perform got me thinking about how often we refuse to take a leading role in our own lives (and when we see someone else rocking it out in their lives, our first response can often be critical).
So, here’s what I took from Grace Jones’ performance – three lessons we can learn from a diva.
1) Be unapologetic
A diva is 100% unapologetic. She doesn’t play herself down or keep herself small.
Grace Jones certainly didn’t creep onto the stage. She strode out and made her mark. When something didn’t go as planned, she didn’t say, ‘Oh, I’m sorry about that, I’ve messed up!’ She simply acknowledged it with good humour and carried on.
Of course, if you genuinely hurt someone, then an apology is in order, but how often do you say sorry or undermine yourself in some way for no valid reason whatsoever?
I found myself doing this the other day. I was one of two main speakers at a conference. I hadn’t met the other speaker before, but I’d heard of her in the online world. When we were introduced, she mentioned that she’d heard of me and I immediately jumped in with a jokey, ‘Oh, that’s ominous’ comment.
I didn’t allow her to expand on what she had to say. I shut the moment down with a ‘It’s-safer-to-stay-small’ joke. I dimmed my light. (I was completely un-diva-esque!)
Later I found out that one of her clients had spoken about me with admiration and that’s how she knew about me. I very nearly didn’t get to receive this positive feedback though , as I was busy deflecting.
Embrace your inner diva. Don’t apologise for your existence!
2) Ask for what you want
A diva asks for (and receives) exactly what she wants.
During her performance, Grace Jones regularly asked for whatever she wanted from her team – whether it was some water, a glass of wine or the appearance of her male pole dancer, she was super-clear about what she needed and wanted.
She didn’t wait for someone to offer. She didn’t hang back in the hope that someone would read her mind and meet her needs.
She simply asked.
How often do you keep your desires (big or small) in your head, rather than expressing them?
I’m not saying you have to demand your very own pole dancer (although if that floats your boat gorgeous, please do go ahead!), but whether it’s letting your partner know where you want to go for dinner, or making a bold declaration to the Universe, ask for what you want.
3) Be your unique self
A diva embraces and expresses her unique-ness with every opportunity.
Grace Jones didn’t shuffle onto the stage in any common-or-garden outfit, oh no. She appeared with a huge head-dress, some body paint and very little else.
She also performed one song whilst hula-hooping the whole way through.
She was absolutely NOT trying to fit in. She hadn’t watered herself down in the hope people would like her. She was 100% herself and if someone didn’t like it, too bad.
So, let me ask you a question. How much of yourself are you expressing in your life and your business right now? Are you unashamedly you, or are you only portraying the aspects of yourself that you deem to be acceptable?
When we hold back on being fully ourselves, we become bland. In trying to be more ‘acceptable’, we become less attractive to the people who would otherwise be raving fans.
Whether it’s on social media, in your writing or in person, notice where you are holding yourself back right now, and allow your unique self to shine through.
You will become compellingly attractive in the process.
So from now on, ask yourself the question, ‘What would my inner diva do in this situation?’ and listen to the answer. I guarantee you will be, do and have a whole lot more in your life when you follow her glorious lead!
I’m all about creating wealth in a way that feels truly sustainable – a way that fits for me as a woman and isn’t all about ‘push, push, pushing’.
One of my go-to women for inspiration in this area is author and defender of female awesome-ness, Lisa Lister. I’ve been wanting to interview Lisa for ages as she has SO much wisdom to share about harnessing the super-powers of your menstrual cycle (yes, you have super-powers!) Connecting with this knowledge has literally helped me to change my life and transform my business.
So I was delighted to have the opportunity to speak with Lisa recently to find out more about her work and the launch of her new book, ‘Code Red‘.
Grab yourself a cuppa, sit back and listen to Lisa and I in conversation by clicking the play button below.
If you’d prefer to read the interview, here’s a full transcription for your delight.
Nicola: Lisa, it is such a pleasure to talk with you today!
Lisa: Thanks for having me, lovely one! I’m excited.
Nicola: Me too. Can you tell us a bit more about Code Red and specifically what inspired you to write this particular book?
Code Red is the fundamental basis of all the work that I do with women. I’ve done a lot of work with self-esteem and feeling good about yourself. I worked with the Dove Self-Esteem Project too.
What I was finding was that it was great to share practices and ways to fall in love with yourself, but what I then realised through my own menstrual journey, which has taken me on a very wild path in the last 10 years… I was misdiagnosed for a lot of years and I discovered I had endometriosis, and through the endometriosis, when I went to a doctor’s appointment, they told me I’d have to have my… They were very “white coat” about it, I guess, very “white coat” and sciency about it and were kind of like, “You’re not going to be able to have children, so the ideal situation would be to just whip ‘em out.” “Whip what out?!” “Your whole womb – we’ll whip it all out, then you won’t have any more pain.” And I was just like, “Hmm…”
And so walking out of there, I got this real fire in my belly. It wasn’t the pain and it wasn’t anything that I’d felt previously, but there was this real fire. It became like an anger in me and now I know that fire to be a reaction from SHE, which is the energy that I work with – the kind of feminine energy which resides in our womb space. So, the idea that I was going to have my womb whipped out did not sit too well with that and me. That was, I guess, my first reaction to the idea of that.
Don’t get me wrong – there was a moment when I was like, “Oh, this could be quite tempting, actually.” Anyone that knows any kind of lady part disease in their body will know that the idea of that is very, very tempting. But the actuality of it was like, “No, this is not cool, actually.” If this is the only option we’re giving women if they’re suffering this kind of pain, then there has to be other ways.
What happened was that I discovered lots of practices, lots of ways of working with my menstrual cycle – some very sciency, some super-super-hippy and spiritual, both of which I love deeply – and so Code Red is actually a culmination of all of those practices made as accessible as possible for women like me and you who are businesswomen, who have kids, who have families, who want to have great sex. I wasn’t able to have great sex because I was in pain – that is not cool!
We need to have some kind of acknowledgement of our lady parts because many of us cut ourselves off from the chest down, unless it is about sex, and we don’t pay attention to ourselves. Code Red is trying to make what I’ve learned in the last 10 years about periods, about menstruation, about lady parts in general as accessible and as fun as possible. You know, this doesn’t have to be about, “Oh, goodness, it’s doom and gloom and period pain,” and everything like that. It’s about finding your superpowers in your menstrual cycle, which we have loads. And it’s so exciting because when we know it there’s this big, massive map that goes on in our bodies every month, that if we tap into it we can create better, we can have better sex, we can have an amazing business, we can make more money. If we understand our cycle, we understand ourselves – and that, for me, is way more information than any self-care practice I’ve ever experienced before could give me.
So, yes – Code Red! That’s it, in a nutshell! I may try and get that down a bit shorter at some point! I don’t know if I could, even if I tried.
Nicola: Well, as a book you’ve made it really simple! It’s uplifting and empowering as you’re reading about the different aspects of the cycle and how to work with them to be your best and to get the best out of your life and your business.
For me personally, for the longest time I never even considered how my menstrual cycle could impact on my life and my business. I think I shared with you over email that I was on the contraceptive injection for about four years or so, so I had no cycle at all. Initially I was like, “Oh, great! It’s fantastic not to have a cycle. I can just get on and do whatever and not even think about it.” And then I started reading more of your work and some other people in this area, and that’s what inspired me to stop having the injection, which was about a year ago.
I don’t think it’s any coincidence that over the past year I’ve had the best year ever in my business. I’ve moved in a different direction, I’ve just felt so inspired. It’s had such a huge impact on me. I just wonder how this knowledge and this wisdom that you acquired and started to tap into has specifically helped you in your life and your business?
Lisa: It’s changed so massively. I think, hearing what you said, it was exactly that, because any kind of synthetic hormonal induced set-up in your body is going to be numbing our menstrual cycle, our cyclic nature as women – and we are cyclic. We’re trying to function in this masculine construct, which is no bad thing at all, but if we know that we can manage it better.
I think that, for me, was a really big switch. It was like, okay, so the world is very linear and the fact that every month, come my premenstrual and menstruation time, I’m experiencing crazy mood swings, all of the stereotypical stuff that comes with that time that we’re told to put up with, that we’re told is just part of being a woman. It’s not, actually. What it is is us going against our cyclic nature, our true essence of being a woman.
So, when I realised that, you can then start utilising the time a little bit more effectively. You can start seeing that, actually, those first two sections of our cycle – the pre-ovulation and the ovulation – are times when we can be linear because that energy in our body is masculine. We can get stuff done – we can get a whole ton of stuff done, actually – and we can manifest; we can bring things into fruition really easily when we realise that it’s a superpower.
So, then, when we tip past that ovulation phase and go into pre-menstruation and menstruation, this is our feminine area and this is where the feminine energy comes into its own. If we don’t know how to use it – which so very few of us have been taught or trained or has been shared with us because nobody knew any better because we have been functioning in this masculine society – then of course we’re going to come up against friction. We’re going to feel rage because we don’t understand what’s going on for us; then we take that out on the people in our families and we expect them to understand. Especially we you live with dudes of any kind, we expect them to understand. How can we expect them to understand what’s going on if we don’t understand ourselves?
I think my own personal learning has been knowing myself through my menstrual cycle and knowing what I’m able to create, when I’m able to create, and then when I need to come inwards and not be so social and not be so out there in the world. I’ve actually now been able to create a really amazing life. And as you said, it’s no coincidence. It really isn’t, because you realise that you’re not consistent and, guess what? That’s okay. You’re able to access SHE powers in each of the phases.
There are powers in all of them, even the premenstrual and menstruation, and for me they’ve become way more powerful than the previous two now – although that’s taken a bit of work, so I’m not asking everyone to fall in love with PMS. But seeing PMS as an indicator that something is wrong, seeing PMS as an indicator that you’re not getting what you need in life, yes – that’s where PMS is really good.
So, yes, my life really was… 10 years ago, as I kind of discovered this work through having endometriosis, which… You know, they say your womb is where the light comes in – it definitely was for me. It’s now meant that I’m able to live a life that’s totally in synch with me. I’m not trying to be in synch with the world, so I’m not going against my own cyclic nature anymore. When I don’t do that, it’s so much easier to create books – my whole book was done in synch with my cycle. I know my work is about this, so I’m very blessed in that respect, but I won’t take clients when I’m bleeding because that’s my time; that’s my time to really connect with myself and download what needs to be downloaded and to fill up my well so that I’m ready then to work through the next cycle to create and to be and to do what needs to happen in that cycle. So, yes, I guess I work much more cyclically; my abundance levels are high.
And I have an amazing relationship with my husband because I know me; I’m able to share with him. He’s written a section in the book so that women can leave it open for any boy-kinds that are in their lives – it doesn’t necessarily have to be husbands; it can be any kind of dude in your life – to understand what is going on for women each month. He said it was a revelation for him. Knowing that this is happening in a woman’s life every month means that he’s been able… He knows now that there are going to be days when he just needs to chuck chocolate at me from a distance and it’s not his fault and that’s okay. We have so very few arguments now because of that and it feels good. It feels juicy to live this way.
Nicola: Absolutely! I’m really interested in what you said there about this idea that we should be consistent and we should consistently be able to be taking action and be out there, and if we’re not doing that there’s the idea that there’s something wrong with us.
I know I’ve certainly, in the past, felt like I was doing fine and felt I was really on it, and then all of a sudden I’m not feeling right and something’s gone wrong. And to use PMS as a sign, like you say, that actually you’re not getting what you need, you’re not doing what you need to do is really empowering, isn’t it.
Lisa: I think so. And also, at that time, our premenstrual time is a time when we can really feel that “not good enough” voice come up really loud in us as well. That’s because we’re trying to exist in a linear kind of construct, in this linear world of goal orientation.
For dudes that’s great; that’s how they get stuff done. And for lots of women, you’re able to do it to a certain extent but you will burn out if you do because you’re not getting what you need in that. So, it’s all very good to do that, and I know it would be very controversial to women that are very goal-orientated, that can get shit done, that can make it happen; but they will suffer for that.
That’s not me being a bringer of doom and it doesn’t necessarily mean that will be now. It could be when you reach menopause because you completely avoided the subject of being a woman because you’ve been working in a very masculine way.
Women who are successful in business and doing it in a very masculine way are not honouring themselves in that process too. What is exciting now is that I can see women taking on this feminine model and realising that there has to be a balance; that we can use the masculine energy in the first part of our cycle, but we have to acknowledge and then use the feminine energy in the second half of the cycle so that we understand that we are good enough. When we get to that point in ovulation, you feel like you’re superwoman; you feel like you could do anything, be anyone, you can get goals done.
Then what happens is we slide into pre-menstruation and that’s not the case anymore because, actually, you’re being called into yourself; you’re being called home. But if you don’t know that, that kind of energy dip – which is hormonal and is happening because you need to slow down in order to fill up – if you don’t know that’s what’s happening, it becomes another really fricking big stick to beat yourself up with for not being good enough and not being able to deliver on time.
Today I’m day 23 in my cycle, so I’m in pre-menstruation time now. I’m not as articulate as I need to be to be doing a phone call with you right now! So, I know that about myself, but I’m like, “You know what? Show up anyway.” And that’s all you can do, is show up as you are and do what needs to be done in a way that feels good.
I know that I can talk to you – that’s all good – but I know that if we’d spoken two weeks ago you would have got a way more snappy, articulate version of me. Today you’re getting this version of me, which is a truthful one and which is a chatty one, but not necessarily an articulate one!
Nicola: You sound pretty articulate to me! And actually it’s interesting, isn’t it, because we’d planned to do this interview last week at a different point in your cycle. So, I think it’s really interesting that we weren’t able to do it then and it’s ended up being now.
Lisa: Absolutely! And we can’t beat ourselves up about any of this stuff, but women, we do. I don’t want women to read the book and go, “Oh no! I can only do phone interviews in the first half of my cycle!” You know what? That’s a superpower – you can use it. That’s all I’m sharing, is that there’s a superpower in the first part of your cycle. Your hormone levels mean that you can speak way more articulately, be way more to the point. But actually, in this half of the cycle you’ll speak a deeper truth – so, there’s more chance that I might be a little bit more woo-woo than maybe I would have been in that part of the cycle.
If you did an interview with me every week for the next four weeks, you’d get a different version of this interview. I think that’s the authenticness that women need to be bringing to their business in how we work. It’s that because we show up differently each week; we’re a different woman each week.
When people accuse womankind, “I don’t know which one you are,” it’s like, yes, that’s pretty much the case. We need to learn to embrace that and realise that we view the world through different eyes in each phase of our cycle and that’s totally okay.
Nicola: Yes. And actually, just knowing that enables me to breathe a huge sigh of relief. It’s okay!
You mentioned that the first half of the cycle is more masculine energy. In the second half of the cycle, are there any specific ways that you could give us to use that more feminine energy? It’s not something that we’re really encouraged to do, generally, or told about. Are there any specific things that we can do in that second part of the cycle to help us?
Lisa: What will happen hormonally is that everything starts to dip; your energy levels get lower and that’s why we suffer from the pain that we do generally, because we’re still trying to truck on through and really still create the same levels that we were at during the last two weeks. That’s just not physically possible and that’s when the pain occurs. So, it is a case of slowing down.
For example, today, I run a business, you run a business, so I can’t say to you, “No, I only do phone calls in the first part of the cycle. I only speak in the first part of the cycle.” But what you can do is start to minimise your workload. So, I make sure all of my calls are booked in for those first two weeks – if it doesn’t happen that’s totally okay, but it just means that as I’m slowing down I’ve got less to do.
I know there will be some resistance to the idea at first, but I promise that if you work with the phases of your cycle you’ll realise you get more done when you’re doing less. I’ve got a book coming out next week, so the book is launching during a time that I will be bleeding – that’s not ideal, but that’s just how it’s happened. It was meant to be out previously and it hasn’t been. All of these things, you have to trust there’s a reason for it and you then have to find support mechanisms for it.
So, for me, I need to be slowing down so I just need to take each thing slower. If you’re used to going fast, the idea of slowing down is hard, and this phase especially will bring out the critic in you: “Who do you think you are? You can’t take time out! You’ve got too much to do! You’ve got this, you’ve got that!” Slow down. Do yoga, take deep breaths. I don’t care if it all sounds clichéd – clichés are clichés for a reason.
This is the time in your cycle that you’re being asked to listen to your inner wisdom. This is when our intuition is at its strongest if we allow ourselves to listen in, if we allow ourselves to be still long enough to hear what’s being said.
I think that’s a big thing for women. We should all be doing business from a place of intuition because we are wise and we are wild as well. This is a time where the untamedness of us, our truth, can really come through if we allow it to. And so it is a case of allowing. We all need a permission slip and Code Red is the permission slip to actually be living life in that way – but you really have to trust. You have to trust that this isn’t some other kind of self-help concept; this is happening in your body right now. If you’re in your bleeding years, this is happening in your body right now; if you’re not in your bleeding years and you’ve either had a brought-on menopause or a natural menopause, you will see that also through the cycle of the moon, which is also roughly 28 to 29 days. It’s possible for us all to follow that. You can see that as the moon wanes – which is the same period of our premenstrual and our menstrual phase in our bodies – that we are being called to slow down. In the olden days, it was a time that was revered in women; this was a really powerful time. Men would come to worship these women because they knew that these women were smart: “Give me the answers to this.” They were oracles. Your womb is your oracle; if you let it become that it can be – it can give you the answers that you need.
It’s just slowing down, quietening down, especially if you’re in a quite high-powered, stressy, job, to give yourself even 10 minutes a day as you’re going into that premenstrual phase. And like I say, I don’t want people to change it overnight, but I’d love people just to experience in that phase of the cycle what slowing down for 10 minutes and bringing your awareness to that area – to your womb, to your ovaries, maybe just placing your hand on that space – and really just feeding into what that means, what that area is trying to tell you.
But even putting your hand on your belly actually is like, “What?!” for some women I’ve worked with – they find even that a difficulty because we don’t bring our attention to that space. So, just bringing our attention to that space, slowing down and getting quiet would be my advice.
Nicola: Absolutely. As you were speaking about that, I was just remembering that as I was reading Code Red, one of the big light bulb moments for me was the idea that actually, when I’m in the first half of my cycle and that more masculine energy, just noticing that I find it hard to slow down and tune into my intuition.
It can be another pressure that we put on ourselves: “Oh, I’ve got to have my meditation practice and I’ve got to sit.” And actually, it’s really hard to do that in the first half of the cycle. I’d never thought about it like that before. I just thought, “Oh, I’m rubbish at meditation,” because I felt I was getting into my practice and then I just can’t sit still, I can’t tune in. But it’s okay in the first couple of weeks of the cycle just to be really in the action and the second half is more about being and tuning in.
Lisa: Absolutely, and you’re right. In the book I outline in each phase different things that you can do to connect because your energy levels will be so different in each phase. So many people beat themselves up when they start a running regime, for example. One week you are going to love to run, especially if that’s what gets your juices going, and if you’ve started to do that practice in your pre-ovulation phase for two weeks you’re going to be the running queen. But come that third week, when we come into that premenstrual phase and running doesn’t seem at all appealing, that’s when, as women, we beat ourselves up: “Oh, I don’t want to run anymore. Clearly, I’m rubbish. Clearly, I’m a failure. I can’t do this.” And it’s not that at all. It’s actually just that your energy levels are calling for you to do something else.
If we were to listen to what our body wanted, it will tell us. Mine knows that it loves to go to the gym in the first week or two of my cycle, and in the second week or two that’s all home practice – I do yoga and do lots of sacred movement and dance and just things that are nourishing for me because we need a lot of nourishment in that second half of the cycle. As women, we are rubbish at nourishing ourselves, which is why the second half of the cycle is so interesting for me. We can really work the first half as women; we’ve got it because that’s what we’re doing in the world out there all the time. But the second half is new territory to us and we’re struggling in that space when actually we should be using it to thrive, because it is our place of intuition, it is our place of knowledge and power if we let it be.
Nicola: How has your business evolved since you’ve been doing this work and really working in alignment with your cycle?
Lisa: I thought it would be hard because, obviously, it is a very niche subject. People do not like you talking about blood and guts, really, which is kind of what I talk about. I talk a lot about blood, I talk a lot about bellies and intuition and all of those things – which, for me, are the blood and guts of being a woman. And yet that’s not socially acceptable yet; it’s still very much a taboo to talk about our periods in public, even. It’s still a whispered thing and we’ve got a very mixed up, crazy language for periods, let alone our lady bits. So, to then make this my business was like, “Oh, okay.” But it happened.
I put it into practice first. I run a very SHE-led business; I’m a very feminine-led business. Saying that, I don’t mean it’s all about the feminine; it’s just that in your cycle you’re able to see, experience and feel the balance and what it feels like to be truly in balance with the masculine and the feminine. For me, that means that I’m SHE-led because I’m listening, because I’m intuitively working with what is going on in my body, and so that’s how I run my business now. I was worried that I wouldn’t attract the right clients when actually, when I became the teacher I needed to be… I listened to a podcast the other day and they mentioned this. It’s usually the other way round, that when you’re ready the teacher will appear, but actually it feels like I’ve become the teacher and the clients have appeared because this is necessary – this is actually a really powerful way for us, as women, to create business. I’ve doubled my income by working this way, which is important and isn’t important in equal measures. It’s nice to have good money and it’s nice to be paid to do something I love and that I’m passionate about, and also proof that it’s necessary.
I was told, “I can’t believe you’re choosing this as a business.” I was a writing coach and still am, but now I use the cyclic nature of us as women to help women find a way to write, because I wrote my last book in this cyclic energy and it was like, “Oh my goodness! Why wasn’t I told this when I started writing books?” So now, actually everything I do is in tune with the cycle and everything I share is cyclic too. So, yes, it’s become amazing. I’ve got no other words for it, really. It’s like I said to you previously, it’s almost like a life upgrade by understanding myself better. That’s what I feel I’ve been gifted through having endometriosis, which is ridiculous. The pain and discomfort that came with that has led me to now have a completely upgraded life, thanks to my womb!
Nicola: I love that – a life upgrade! Just imagine what would have happened if you’d gone along with what the doctors had said to you and just had it all whipped out, how your life could be different. It doesn’t bear thinking about, does it?
Lisa: No. And just having trusted myself in that moment… I was about 27, I guess. Actually, I don’t want to be aging myself unnecessarily! I was in my twenties, I remember, and to realise that there was a moment that I did trust my intuition and that was to say, “Absolutely not – that is not what is happening. I’m going to find another way.” And so I found that other way, and that other way has led me to this and now I’m able to share that with women – depending on which day of my cycle as to how articulately I share that! Which is why I’ve written a book, because I can write words – that I know. But it’s incredibly powerful to listen to our inner voices and our wisdom that we have in abundance if we just allow it to come through.
Nicola: Absolutely. Lisa, I could literally talk to you all day.
Lisa: Bless your heart! Probably not to day though – geez, Louise!
Nicola:For women who are listening today and maybe women who haven’t even thought about this before and haven’t thought about their cycles and how it has an impact on their lives in general, how can they get started with this work? Obviously they can get hold of their copy of Code Red – we’ll put the link to be able to buy that following this recording. But how can they connect with you further? What’s the best way to do that?
I have a website, which is thesassyshe.com. I run programmes, workshops, online programmes for those of you who aren’t able to get to in-person stuff. But even if you just buy the book, the book has a downloadable cycle repair kit that comes free with the book, and all I want for women is for them to know their flow. If we know what our menstrual cycle is doing… If you don’t start in that point, we can’t do the rest of the work. You just need to know your flow, and if it’s really irregular or any of that stuff you’re then able to start pinpointing some of the areas where you can say, “Oh, do you know what? I’m not good on that day. On this day I’m flying! I got so much done.” So, that’s all I ask of women, really. I’d love for you to work with me, but ideally I would just want you to know your flow because if you know how your menstrual works you can then work with it to create a really amazing life.
Did you mean in terms of connecting with me? Did I just go off on one?
Nicola: No, you didn’t!
Lisa: Website, Instagram, Facebook: they’re where I hang out. I like Instagram a lot, so come and see me there. That’s my favourite.
Nicola: That’s fantastic. Thank you so much, Lisa. It’s such a joy to speak with you and this work is just fascinating. It’s created such an impact in my life and my business, and that’s why I really wanted to speak to you so I’m delighted to be able to. Thank you.
Lisa: Amazing. Thank you for having me. You’re a superstar.
Click here to order your copy of Lisa’s new book, ‘Code Red’.
I don’t know about you, but when I decided to leave my corporate career and start my own business, my main desire was to have more freedom and flexibility in my life.
I was tired of working 9-5, Monday to Friday for 48 weeks of the year and I couldn’t imagine doing this for the rest of my working life.
But the truth is for the first few years of running my own business, I was still stuck in that 9-5 mindset. In fact, I often felt that I was working harder than I’d ever done in my old corporate role.
Part of this was due to the fact that starting a new business can be tough. You need to put a lot of energy and time into creating your new venture.
BUT a big part of my ‘work-work-work’ approach was that I had some unhelpful beliefs running, beliefs like ‘You have to work really hard to make money’ and ‘It’s lazy to relax’.
Often in the mornings my husband would ask me what I was doing that day and I would immediately feel defensive. I felt that I had to justify how I was spending my day and reel off a long list of work I’d be doing.
If there were days when I was planning to take some time for me and go for a drive down to the beach for a walk or meet friends for lunch, Mr H would comment how I was living ‘The life of Riley’. This always got my back up and I would go straight into defensive mode again, telling him how hard I was working and often getting upset in the process.
I was still in that mindset of ‘It’s lazy to take time for you. You need to work, work, work’, so I felt guilty any time I didn’t have my nose to the grindstone.
It was only a couple of years ago, when I was out walking one day that I asked myself this expansive question:
‘What’s wrong with living the life of Riley? Isn’t this why I created my own business, so I could live the life I wanted and not work every hour I had?’
As I asked myself that question, I felt myself relaxing. It was such a relief to acknowledge that actually it was okay to take time to do the things I loved.
I had consciously created my business and I could allow it to be easy.
From that point on, I started to think much more about how I wanted to spend my time. As much as I could, I worked when it felt good and took time out when I needed or wanted to.
Of course, I still had clients to see and all of the other ‘stuff’ that makes up a business (marketing, sales, content-creation, admin), but whatever I was doing, I’d ask myself the question, ‘Am I living the life of Riley right now?’
This question kept me focused on running my business and living my life in the way I desired – with freedom, flexibility and plenty of fun.
And the wonderful thing is that since I started to adopt my ‘life of Riley’ approach, my business has flourished, my income has doubled and I’m working far fewer hours.
(Note: Please know, there are still times when I find myself tearing my hair out, feeling stressed and wondering how I’ve managed to book my diary solid, but these happen far less often).
In March I had the best month ever in my business. As I was sharing this with Mr H we realised that I have now overtaken him in the income stakes and I pointed out that I’m working part-time, about 20-25 hours a week.
His immediate response was, ‘Well how much could you make if you worked 40-50 hours a week?’
Seriously, 40-50 hours!
This is such a masculine response, ‘You’re doing well, but you could be doing better if you worked harder, Come on! Keep taking more action. Push, push, push!’
In the past, I might have felt defensive and jumped on the counter-attack, but I simply pointed out that my business just wouldn’t work that way.
It’s the fact that I’m only working 20-25 hours a week that allows the money to flow to me.
It’s the fact that I allow myself lots of time to relax and have fun that I have plentiful energy to create a successful business.
It’s the fact that I enjoy my work that allows me to attract my ideal clients.
As I explained this to Mr H, he actually got it. And in that moment, I appreciated how far I had come.
So, how about you? Does it feel like you’re living the life of Riley right now (whatever that looks like for you)? Or does it all feel like really hard work (for little reward)?
If it’s the latter, I’d love to help. Often speaking with someone else can help us see where we’re holding ourselves back, so let’s have a chat.
If you’d like to apply for one of my complimentary Clarity Calls, just click here to access my diary and you can schedule a time for us to speak.
When I first speak to my money mindset clients and ask them what their income goal is, many of them answer £2000 a month.
It might be that they’re just starting out in their businesses, or maybe they’ve been in business a while but not yet been able to generate a consistent monthly income, so it seems that £2k a month is a good starting point for future growth.
I’m all in favour of thinking big when it comes to income goals and making quantum leaps, but it can feel easier to make those leaps from a place where you feel comfortably supported.
When you’re consistently generating £2k a month, you know that you have a viable business with clients willing to pay for your products or services, you’ve demonstrated your ability to generate income (yay! you can do it) and you’ll have money coming in to cover your expenses.
So, if you’re not there yet, how do you get to a place where you are consistently creating an income of £2k every month? Here are my top tips.
1) Get your pricing right
The first step is to think about exactly what it will take for you to generate £2k of income in your business each month.
How many clients will you need to attract?
What products or services will you offer them?
How many hours will you work?
Get clear on what £2k a month looks like in your business. Write down exactly how many clients you want to work with during the month and what you will offer them.
When you do this, check in that it feels sustainable and manageable for you. If need to attract hundreds of clients and you have no idea how to do this, then your first £2k might feel like too much of a stretch, leaving you feeling stressed-out and anxious.
This is where pricing comes in. If the idea of making £2k a month feels like it’s going to be really hard work for you, then maybe your pricing is out of wack?
You need to consider whether you’re under-charging for your services right now. Be honest with yourself. Do the prices you’re currently charging feel too low?
A good way to do this is to take each service or product you offer and write a list of all the ways your clients benefit from it. Really go to town and write down every single positive impact you can think of. (Give yourself at least 10 minutes for each product or service you offer).
Once you’ve done this, think about the price you’re currently charging and check in with how it feels for you. If the price reflects all the benefits your clients receive, then great.
However, when I take my own clients through this exercise, they often realise that the prices they’ve been charging are too low and it feels right to increase them (recently I worked with a client who was able to successfully double her prices after doing this exercise).
The fact is, if you’re charging a price that feels too low, you can actually be repelling potential clients as they perceive your product or service as low value.
In addition to this, you can end up subconsciously sabotaging yourself from attracting clients, as your pricing just doesn’t feel sustainable. Your subconscious mind is there to protect you and it won’t let you do something if it feels like it’s too much hard work.
So, getting your pricing right is the first step to consistently generating £2k a month.
Fact: You are never going to create the income you desire if potential clients don’t know you exist.
You need to be seen.
Maybe you’re got a lovely website, a Facebook business page and other social media accounts, but are you proactively building relationships with potential clients?
It’s not enough to put the occasional post on Facebook or publish the odd blog. To generate consistent income in your business, you need to be truly visible.
Here are some ideas that will help you get known by your ideal clients:
Hang out in the same Facebook groups as your ideal clients and build relationships there – be helpful, answer and ask questions, be supportive (do not just jump in occasionally and make an offer!)
Go to networking groups and connect with potential clients and collaborators
Write a regular content-rich blog (if writing’s not your thing, how about making a video or podcast?)
Build a list of subscribers and contact them regularly with super-useful content
Host a launch (or relaunch) event either online or in-person
Give free taster sessions and (most importantly!) ask people to work with you at the end
There are lots of ways you can make yourself more visible. And I’m guessing you already know about how to do this, so what’s stopping you from getting out there?
For many of the women I work with, it’s a fear of being seen.
I get this. It can feel scary to stand up and say, ‘This is what I do. This is what I have to offer.’
So, first of all acknowledge that it’s completely normal to feel scared when you’re stepping out of your comfort zone. In fact, it’s a good sign because it means you’re stretching yourself (you ROCK!)
Secondly. there are things you can do to release this fear. My go-to tool is Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) or Tapping as it’s often known. EFT is super-simple and versatile and I use it pretty much daily for myself and recommend it to all of my clients.
3) Be in receiving mode
This is super-important! It’s no good setting a goal to create £2k a month of income and not being open to receive.
So, what does being in receiving mode mean?
You need to be contacting, speaking to and making offers to potential clients.
If you already have prospective clients getting in touch with you, fantastic!
Now you just need to make sure you’re getting back to them promptly and letting them know what you can do for them (either by phone, email or in-person depending on your business).
You also need to make sure you’re following up with any enquiries you receive if potential clients haven’t got back to you. Remember, people have busy lives and may forget to get back in touch with you. Often they’ll appreciate a follow-up call or email to remind them that you have exactly what they need.
If you haven’t got potential clients contacting you right now, you need to be more proactive.
You can use all of the visibility tips I mentioned above to let people know what you do and how you can help them. Make sure you include an offer or a way to connect with you further in every interaction (this doesn’t have to be spammy! Remember, you’re simply allowing your potential clients to receive what they need whilst clearly being in receiving mode yourself).
If you want to know more about the subtle qualities of ‘receive-ability’, click here to check out one of my most popular blog posts where I’m talking about it in more detail.
4) Believe in yourself
This is what underpins everything else I’ve been talking about in this blog post. Your beliefs are the thing that make the difference between generating a consistent, growing income in your business and finding it hard to bring money in.
You might have heard how our thoughts create our reality and beliefs are simply deeply-engrained thought patterns that can either be helpful and supportive or limiting and restrictive.
So, if you have beliefs like, ‘I can do it!’, ‘Money flows to me effortlessly’ or ‘I have so much value to offer the world’, then you’ll find that you get to your £2k a month and beyond much more easily than if you have beliefs like:
‘I’m not good enough.’
‘It’s really hard to make money.’
‘People in my area won’t pay what I want to charge.’
‘There aren’t enough clients for me.’
‘I’m not sure whether what I’ve got to offer is of value.’
If you have these kind of beliefs running, they’re going to hold you back and make it really hard work to create the income you desire.
Working with beliefs, and particularly money beliefs, lies at the core of what I do with my clients. You want your beliefs to lift you up and make you feel like you can take on the world, not shrink you down and make you feel like you want to crawl back under the covers in the morning.
So, if you feel that your beliefs aren’t supporting you right now, what do you do?
Well this could be a whole other blog post and it is! Recently I wrote about how to shift limiting money beliefs by holding your very own Full Moon Ceremony. The good news is you don’t have to wait until full moon to do this. You can simply follow the steps and get the same results. Click here to read the blog post and learn how to create new, positive beliefs that will support you in reaching £2k per month.
5) Accountability and support
You’re nearly there! If you work through all of the steps I’ve outlined above and take consistent action, you’ll soon be creating the income you desire.
My final tip is that you don’t have to do all of this on your own.In fact, it’s SO much easier if you allow yourself to get support.
When I started my own business, I didn’t quite realise that as well as seeing clients, I’d have to spend a lot of time on marketing, admin, sales, techy stuff and content-creation.
But I was determined to do it all myself. It was my business and I believed that meant I had to do every, single task necessary to make it successful.
The thing is, trying to do it all by yourself is exhausting. And it can prevent you from becoming more successful. If you’re working like a mad woman, burning yourself out whilst trying to get everything done, alarm bells start to go off in your protective subconscious mind and it will find subtle ways to prevent your business from becoming any bigger (self-sabotage rearing its head again!)
When I finally made the decision to get help in my business, it created much more space for me to do the things I love – working with clients and creating – and these are also the activities that generate income for me. So, I felt supported and I was making more money. How’s that for a win-win?
So, what kind of support do you need in your business?
Initially it might be hiring a Virtual Assistant for a couple of hours, getting some help with social media or your website. The idea is to put support in place now, so your business can grow.
I’ve also mentioned accountability here as this is key to achieving your goals. When you publicly commit to making a particular level of income, you are much more likely to take action and do it.
When I say ‘publicly commit’, I don’t mean you have to go out into the street and declare your monthly income goal (although maybe that works for you!?), you simply need to choose someone to be accountable to – this can be a friend, a colleague, a mastermind group or a coach.
Accountability is the magic juice that will energise and motivate you. My clients often value this element of working with me as much as the deep, inner work we do.
Find someone to be accountable to and share you income goal with them.
So, there are my top 5 tips to help you create a consistent income of £2000 per month. And you can use these steps to continually increase your income from now on.