The 7 signs you’re an Unbound Woman

Are you an Unbound Woman? Well, if you crave freedom beyond all else and you’ve been consciously unbinding yourself from the old, restrictive enchantments you were brought up with, then the chances are you are. 

In fact, you’ve most likely felt like Gulliver for much of your life, tied down by a whole load of lilliputian rules and stories and beliefs. The desire to break free of those ties is strong. Can you feel it?

And when you recognise and embody your Unbound nature, you’ll access an unlimited source of power within you.

But, the very nature of the Unbound Woman means that she can be tricksy to define. (Because, of course, she’s not bound by traditional labels or expectations). However, there are some very clear (and often uncomfortable) signs that show you are, or are becoming, an Unbound Woman.

1) The unexpected guilt of having a freedom schedule

Being is not celebrated in our culture. Doing is. So having an excess of ‘free’ time can feel decidedly unusual and somewhat alienating.

‘Surely I should be doing something?’

‘Surely I should be working harder?’

These are the kind of questions the Unbound Woman might find herself pondering upon. Because she has consciously created a life where it’s not all go, go, go. She desires time and space and that’s exactly what she’s given herself.

But a part of her can feel guilty about this.

It’s the same guilt you might feel if you were playing hooky from school or taking a sick day from work. You see everyone else rushing around doing lots of ‘stuff’ (most of which they clearly don’t enjoy) whereas you are wandering through the park, appreciating the warmth of the sun on your skin and experiencing the stunning richness of each moment.

‘Hmmm, surely this can’t be right?’ You might think to yourself.

But it IS. Like I said, you consciously created this. The Unbound Woman needs time and space to expand, to tune into new insights and ways of being.

Remind yourself of this. You’re blazing a trail and creating a brand new normal, both for yourself and for all the other women who will be inspired by you (and they will).

2) Feeling isolated

The uncomfortable truth is that very few people will ‘get’ the Unbound Woman. Her way of being in the world does not compute for the majority of folks. This means she can feel isolated and freaky (in a ‘Do I actually belong on this planet?’ kinda way).

And this is when doubts can arise. Because we like to be one of the tribe. In fact, our survival used to depend on it.

You might find that even those close to you, your family and friends, can have a hard time understanding what you actually do, how you make your money and how you spend your time.

So it’s vital to make sure you have people around you who DO get you. The Unbound Woman needs mentors, guides and friends who are on the same path. She needs to be surrounded by other trail-blazing, freedom-seekers.

So, gather your people and call in your tribe, because when you allow yourself to be fully seen, heard and understood, it’s like floating in a warm ocean; you feel beautifully buoyant, completely supported and free to move however you choose.

3) There are no words 

For the Unbound Woman trying to explain what she brings to the world is a challenge in itself.

She has SO much to offer, countless skills, a wealth of experience and a subtlety that can’t be summed up by mere language.

And this can be immensely frustrating.

People ask her ‘What do you do?’ and her heart sinks. The Unbound Woman does NOT have a 15-second elevator pitch.

We can all reel off the various skills we’ve acquired over the years:

‘I’m Nicola and I’m a coach, hypnotherapist, emotional freedom technique and matrix reimprinting practitioner, therapist, writer, energy worker’.

They’re simply labels (and quite the mouthful!)

You can even try to put into words who you help and how:

‘I help women who’ve made the bold and beautiful decision to start their own businesses to uncover and release any old, subconscious blocks, so they can be their fullest, most brilliant, unbound selves (and get well paid for it).’

But still it doesn’t quite communicate the REAL power of what you bring to the world.

What you do and who you are in the world is limitless, luminous and multi-faceted. So it’s no wonder you’ve been struggling with the traditional ways of sharing your business.

You have to let go of the ‘normal’ advice and invoke your power as an Unbound Woman. When you do that and when you trust that whatever you say or write will have a magical, magnetic energy (because it will), you’ll attract your people to you in the most unexpected ways.

4) Your attitude to money can trigger others

The Unbound Woman is very aware of the energetic nature of money. She IS abundance and she chooses to experience this quality in all areas of her life – love, health AND money.

She’s done the work on her own money stuff – the deeply engrained stories she was brought up to believe. She’s cleared a lot of shiz about her ability to allow money into her life and consequently she doesn’t play by the old, limiting rules.

She knows the value of what she brings to the world and she charges accordingly.

She doesn’t want to work all the hours. She chooses to be well paid for what she does. And that’s how she’s set herself up.

Consequently people can get triggered by her attitude to money and her ability to create unbound wealth. Because most people haven’t done the same amount of work when it comes to their money stuff.

This means that as you expand into your most abundant, Unbound Self, you may well attract criticism and downright vitriol from other people about your prices and your chosen lifestyle. This is a drag.

But it’s okay. Because YOUR people will recognise the immense value you bring and will be more than happy to pay you accordingly.

5) The need to make choices and figuring out what you actually want

This might not seem like a big challenge. I mean, heck, we all make countless choices every day. It’s no drama.

But the Unbound Woman is continually making BIG choices.

How do I truly want to live my life?

Who do I truly want to spend my time with?

Where do I truly want to live right now?

Most people cling to the familiar, living their lives doing the same thing day in, day out, year in, year out. This makes life eminently easier.

When there are no limits, choices have to be made and the Unbound Woman questions EVERYTHING.

She’s continually asking herself ‘What do I really want?’ And tuning into her true desires. This can lead her in unexpected (and unapproved of) directions.

It also means she can end up leaving loved ones behind.

This can be deeply uncomfortable. The Unbound Woman is committed to taking radical personal responsibility for every single area of her life. She does not shy away from difficult decisions.

So, yes, figuring out what you want and actually making choices based on that can be challenging, but it also allows you to be the magnificent being that you truly are. Worth the discomfort? I think so.

6) Holding the paradox

The Unbound Woman recognises and accepts that life is inherently paradoxical. She has learned that she is able to hold two seemingly opposing ideas at the same time. And, more importantly, she has given herself permission to do so.

Whereas the Inner Good Girl likes to have everything cut and dried, black and white, with clear, unwavering opinions, the Unbound Woman allows herself to change her mind, to move fluidly from one point of view to another and to contradict herself, sometimes within the same sentence.

And of course, this has its challenges. Some will judge her as flaky, muddled or crazy, but that’s because they’re not able to recognise the paradoxes that lie within them, the paradoxes that lie within all of us.

The Unbound Woman does.

And she is.

A paradox.

As an Unbound Woman you see that any ideas of ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ are an illusion. So you don’t get to sit back, comfortably on the ‘I’m right’ train. You have to continually tune into what feels good for you right now. And then carve your unique path accordingly.

7) Sitting in the void

The Unbound Woman has to learn how to sit in the void, the place of not knowing, the in-between.

Whilst the rest of the world dashes around, desperately trying to fill every last space in the day with doing, the Unbound Woman allows herself to be.

Over the years she has found herself in the void time and time again. And although it can feel deeply uncomfortable to reside there (because the urge to do, to figure it out and move forward is strong within all of us), she has recognised that the void is a hugely creative space.

In Gestalt therapy it’s called the Fertile Void, the place we come back to after action, the place we rest before setting off into another cycle of doing.

It’s the place where ideas begin to form and take seed. It can feel muddy and dark and damp.

And often we long to skip merrily past the void.

Because not knowing what comes next is terrifying. So we pick something, anything and go with it.

But as an Unbound Woman you develop a tolerance for sitting here. And as time goes on and you experience the cycle over and over again, you begin to relish the limitless unknowingness of the void.

Recognise yourself here? If you want to step into your FULL power as an Unbound Woman, click here to access my free Meeting Your Unbound Self Visualisation now.

And if this article has resonated with you, click the share button to share with other Unbound Women like you.

Episode 17 with Lorraine Pannetier (Heal Your Inner Good Girl Podcast)

In this episode I’m speaking with Lorraine Pannetier.   Lorraine is a Food & Lifestyle Coach, plant-based cooking teacher, writer and mum who uses her passion for food alongside her natural intuitive, nurturing and creative abilities to fuel her mission to transform lives through food and inspire thousands of people around the world to Eat More Plants.

Lorraine is one of those people who lights up the room with her smile and spiritual presence and naturally leaves you feeling happier and more motivated than before you met. An eternal student, Lorraine’s passion for learning was evident as a toddler and her current area of focus is homeschooling her 13 year old daughter through her GCSE qualifications over the next 3 years. One day she dreams of studying volcanoes and hopes to see a real life volcanic eruption – from a tropical island some distance away, of course!

During our conversation Lorraine shares:

  • The pressure to look a certain way in the fitness and nutrition industry and how she broke away from that.
  • How to free yourself from restrictive food rules,
  • And how to eat abundantly, rather than depriving yourself.

You can join Lorraine’s Facebook community at: https://www.facebook.com/groups/EatMorePlants/ and find out more about her work at:  http://beetrootbrownie.com/wp/about-us/

Episode 16 with Tanya Dantus (Heal Your Inner Good Girl Podcast)

In this episode I’m speaking with Tanya Dantus. Tanya is a Mompreneur Empowerment Mentor, helping mums release their guilt and find radical confidence, applying their talents & gifts to creatively expressing themselves in the world, making money along the way.

Tanya is also a mum to an adorable little boy, and married for 3 years. She moved to Germany 2 years ago, so that’s been a whole journey of adaptation, although she is originally from Mexico City, and moved & adapted to California prior, and considers herself more of a global citizen (with 3 passports/nationalities to match it!).

Tanya is a certified Yoga teacher, has a Counseling Psychology master’s degree from Pacifica–and loves depth psychology, feminine psychology/the Divine Feminine & Somatics, as well as spending time in nature, writing & dancing.  Fun Fact: Tanya also reads the Mayan Calendar & fire dances!

In this episode Tanya shares:

  • The ongoing process of learning to dance with her inner good girl and her inner rebel.
  • How she learned to see life as a spiral, rather than a linear path.
  • How to connect with your own inherent worthiness.
  • Why traditional meditation is not the only way to tune into your intuition.
  • Why it’s SO important to be guided by your pleasure.

I loved speaking with Tanya and what came out of our conversation. I’m sure you will too.

Find out more about Tanya and her work at: http://www.tanyadantus.com.

Why you need to give yourself permission to mess up

Something that’s been coming up for myself and my clients recently is the dreaded fear of messing up, of making a mistake or (god forbid) pissing someone off.

This fear is one of the most limiting there is.

As recovering good girls, most of us are also recovering perfectionists. We put a WHOLE heap of pressure on ourselves.

I’m guessing that you like to get it right and for a lot of your life, you HAVE got it right. You learned early on that doing well gains approval from others (parents, teachers, bosses), so you put yourself on an endlessly upward trajectory – always reaching for the next goal and very unlikely to acknowledge how far you’ve already come (because I know you’ve come a LONG way).

And then you started your own business. And suddenly everything wasn’t quite so clear-cut.

Because now you’re in charge. You’re the boss.

And there’s no clear, upward path to follow. Some online marketing might lead you to believe there’s a set 7-step system to success, but very soon you realise that’s not the case.

It’s not at all obvious how to ‘get it right’.

And often when you feel you ARE doing it the ‘right way’ and following the rules, you don’t get the results you hoped for.

All of your life you’ve been following a set path, merrily ticking off achievements. And when you start your own business, it feels like you’ve suddenly been thrown into a whirlpool. Information comes at you from all directions, there seems to be NO logic to how you achieve results (it all seems a bit random a lot of the time) and you’re permanently on an emotional rollercoaster.

So far, so so overwhelming, eh?

So why do we do it? Why do we choose to run our own businesses?

Let me remind you.

We do it because we want to be in control of our own destinies.

We do it because we crave freedom.

We do it because we are creative, visionary women.

We do it because we have something important to share with the world.

We do it because we can’t NOT do it.

But despite ALL of this, a lot of the time we hold ourselves back because we’re scared of making a mistake. We’re stuck in that old linear, goal-driven mindset that we’ve been brought up with.

And that will not serve us now.

Because if you’re not making mistakes, you’re not growing.

If you don’t allow yourself to be disapproved of by some, you won’t be loved by the ones who are YOUR people.

And if you’re making an impact, the fact is that you WILL piss some people off. (I know that’s hard to hear. I have the strongest aversion to feeling that I’ve made anyone angry, but it’s something I’m having to get used to as I grow my business).

Don’t let your good girl fear of messing up get in the way of doing what you’re here to do.

Because, the truth is you CAN’T get it wrong.

Whatever you choose to do, and whatever the outcome, it’s ALL learning. And it’s ALL moving you forward.

The only way you lose is if you hold back, if you try to fit the mould and ‘get it right’.

So here’s my advice for you:

Actively celebrate when you feel like you’ve messed up. Acknowledge and feel the feelings that come up and then choose to celebrate. Each mistake is progress.

Create an unwavering connection to your Unbound Self. Your Unbound Self is the part of you that KNOWS. She’s the being that expresses ALL of you (not just those parts that your inner good girl deems to be acceptable). She is your greatest source of wisdom and inspiration. And she’s your greatest ally in business. Together you are UNSTOPPABLE.

Give yourself permission to experiment. Whenever you have a choice to make, adopt a playful attitude. Let yourself try things out. Take the pressure OFF. You learn through doing, so do.Unmade decisions are one of the biggest energy drains there are, so make a choice. (And remember you can’t get it wrong). See how it goes, learn from it and move take your next step from there.

Permission to mess up, granted!

Your next step: If you want to learn how to harness the power of your Unbound Self and become compellingly attractive to more of your joy-to-work-with clients, join me for my one-day event, The Unbound Voice: a magnetic visibility workshop for women in business. Click here for more details and to claim your space.

On letting go

Where are you holding on right now?

Let go.

Lie down on the earth. Your bed. The floor.

Allow yourself to be supported.

And as you do,

Notice where your body resists this.

Because she will.

Notice where you’re clenching,

Where you’re bracing,

Where you’re gripping onto something nameless.

Perhaps it’s your jaw?

Or your right shoulder?

Your belly?

Your buttocks?

Your feet?

Bring your gentle attention into your body.

Watch.

Notice.

And let go.

Soften.

Relax.

Breathe into those parts that have been holding on for so long.

Make space for yourself.

Gently whisper to your body that it’s okay to let go.

To release.

To breathe out.

Fully and deeply.

She doesn’t have to hold on any more.

It’s okay to be held.

To allow the earth to take her weight.

And be fully, beautifully supported.

Let go.

If you want more inspiration like this, and a space to explore your Unbound Self, come join my free online community – Unbound Living with Nicola Humber. Click here to join us.

Episode 15 with Jacqui McGinn

In this episode I’m speaking with Jacqui McGinn. Jacqui has a background in foreign language teaching in Japan, China and the UK and is a qualified teacher. While living in Japan she began studying spirituality and philosophy. She has been doing ThetaHealing since 2009 and is trained in Subtle Energy Healing, Soul Coaching Oracle Card Reading. She is currently studying space clearing with Denise Linn.

Jacqui’s mission is to empower people to be true to themselves and share their unique gifts and insights with others to empower them too. She is currently researching for a book about narcissism and during our conversation she shares her own experience of being in a relationship with a narcissist and also:

  • How travelling to different countries changed the way she saw herself,
  • Why having a complete mental breakdown helped her identify her traits of people-pleasing and perfectionism,
  • The ‘either/or’ trap,
  • And how the ‘good girl’ can be particularly susceptible to controlling or narcissistic relationships.

I’m sure you’ll enjoy hearing Jacqui speak about how we can feel like we need to be the ‘good girl’ in relationships and how we can break out of that limiting pattern.

Find out more about Jacqui and her work at: jacquimcginn.com.

Links to the Dr Craig Malkin’s books about narcissism that Jacqui mentions in her interview: The Narcissist Test and Rethinking Narcissism

Episode 14 with Ellouise Heather (Heal Your Inner Good Girl Podcast)

In this episode I’m speaking with Ellouise Heather. Ellouise helps women recovering from chronic illness who dread returning to a J.O.B. to find their calling, reveal their true selves and alleviate lingering symptoms.

She’s an accredited Master Coach, writer, and contributing author to the #1 Amazon Bestselling 365 book series. Her motto is, “Be you, be well.” She loves and appreciates walking her little dog, Pepper, in the scenic British countryside and coast.

During our conversation Ellouise shares:

  • How she was made to feel ‘naughty’ about her earliest, Spice Girls inspired, entrepreneurial venture,
  • Why people-pleasing can make us sick and how the need to be a ‘good girl’ led to her having Chronic Fatigue Syndrome,
  • The reason why getting ill can actually be a gift,
  • The mindset you need to move through a healing journey,
  • How your body is always sending you signals and how to identify what they mean for you.

Join Ellouise’s Facebook group at: https://www.facebook.com/groups/BeYouBeWell.

You are a powerful healer

The definition of healing is ‘the process of making or becoming sound or healthy again’.

For me, the key word here is ‘again.’

‘Again’ suggests that you’re getting back to something. And I believe that means getting back to your truest, whole self.

I’ve always had resistance to the word ‘healer’. Recently I’ve been told that my gift is healing a number of times and it doesn’t quite sit well with me.

Because no-one can heal you. Healing isn’t something that someone does TO you.

All healing is self-healing.

YOU are a powerful healer. We all are.

And healing usually happens through challenge, through discomfort and even pain.

Times when everything feels chaotic and uncertain, times when you’re feeling frustrated or stuck.

These are the times when a part of you is being healed.

Another layer is being peeled back.

And this can feel raw, tender, exposing.

You have to be willing.

Willing to sit with the discomfort.

Willing to let the new settle until it becomes normal, familiar and comfortable.

Willing to carve a new way in the world, a fresh way of being.

And to accept the ripples this creates in your reality, the discomfort of those around you, letting go of what no longer fits.

The process is not easy.

And it’s not linear.

You might feel like you’re getting nowhere for the longest time and then, suddenly, you make a quantum leap.

The fact that you’re here reading this means that you are available to this kind of deep, transformative healing.

And I know that’s a two-edged sword. (Believe me, I regularly say to my teachers, ‘Come on! Really? Surely I’ve done enough’.)

But, of course, it’s never ‘done’.

We’re here to learn, to evolve, to get back to the true essence of who we are.

So today, if you feel called, I invite you to reflect on these questions:

  1. What healing balm does the part of you that’s hurting the most need right now? What would soothe her? What would allow her to open and feel love?
  2. What lost parts of you are you ready to call home? What qualities have you disowned or suppressed? How can you let them know you’re ready for them to come back to you?

Often the answers to these questions are very simple. You don’t have to figure it out in your head. Just ask the questions and notice what comes to you.

Take the next step.

Show willing.

Be available.

I’m with you.

Nicola x

What happened when my throat said ‘Enough!’

My throat gave me a real talking to yesterday. Yes, I know that might sound crazy, but I’m in regular communication with the different parts of my body and yesterday my throat was calling for attention.

She was sore, inflamed and raw.

I used to have a lot of problems in my throat – coughs, infections, constriction – but after years of work around expressing myself more fully, I hadn’t heard much from her for ages. In fact, I was starting to feel pretty smug about how I’d cleared my throat chakra issues.

BUT over the past few weeks she has started to call to me again. And yesterday she demanded that I pay attention.

When I checked in with her, I found she was deeply frustrated. Yes, I’ve done a lot of work around expressing myself, but she reminded me of how much I’ve been holding back.

‘Nicola, everything that’s coming up for you right now? You need to express it ALL. So much gets missed. You need to let it out’.

And immediately I understood.

Because over the past few months, I’ve been feeling pushed to take my work in a different direction, to move deeper. I’ve been feeling like I’m on the edge of ‘something’ and waiting for it all to become clearer.

Every time I go out for a walk, I get new ideas and insights coming through. Some of which I’ve journalled on, some of which I’ve shared, but many of which I’ve put to one side, because I felt I needed more clarity.

And my throat has had enough.

NO MORE WAITING!

The clarity will come through expressing, through sharing.

And I KNOW this. I even wrote a blog post about not waiting for clarity a couple of years ago.

But I’ve been sitting and waiting. Holding all of this stuff and hoping it would percolate, that it would begin to come together in a way that makes sense.

And what my throat is now telling me is that these ideas, these insights, need to move. They need to be expressed one way or another.

To let go of that old ‘good girl‘ pattern of waiting until it feels right.

So, I’m going to stop waiting for that elusive lightbulb moment and start sharing what’s coming through for me right now – new insights about connection, our bodies, sex, pleasure, power, feminine energy, cycles, healing, flow, space, simplicity, love.

It might not all hang together perfectly (but as I write those words down I can see how they all do).

I’m going to trust that you don’t need me to stick to one clear subject (which I’ve never really done anyway) and that what I share will make sense in some way, at least to some people.

Not just for me, but because I know that you too probably have many passions and interests, that you’re creative and have more than one thing you want to share with the world. (I know that having a specific niche makes sense, but I’m tired of limiting myself and maybe you are too?)

So, I’m going to be blogging more on whatever comes up for me and putting it out there. My throat demands so.

It feels good to write this, freeing, a relief. Giving myself permission to express, to let my ideas flow.

And I send thanks to my throat for giving me that talking to!

Here’s to listening to the wisdom of our bodies (and acting on it).

Over to you: What is your body trying to tell you right now? Stop for a moment and pay attention. What does she want you to know? Comment below and share what comes through for you and what action you’re choosing to take in response.

Your next step: If you’re feeling on the edge of something right now and struggling to get clarity on your next step, let me help. Click here to access my diary and schedule a time for a complimentary discovery call, where we can explore what’s been holding you back and how I can help you to move forward.

Episode 13 with Jessica Dugas (Heal Your Inner Good Girl Podcast)

In this episode I’m speaking with Jessica Dugas. A New England girl, currently residing in Alabama, Jessica is a wife and homeschooling mom to six children from 8 months to 15 years old.

She started her company Just Determined in 2013 as a way to communicate and document her journey into a holistic lifestyle and provide inspiration to other families who wanted to do the same. Feeling a calling, she started incorporating coaching mums into her practice. In 2016 she created the Mom’s Online Mastermind, where she helps mums decrease the stress and overwhelm in their lives by helping them find a balance that works for them.

During our conversation, Jessica shares how she spent years putting everyone else’s needs above her own and how this impacted on her both physically and mentally. After a double bereavement, Jessica decided to take personal responsibility for her self-care and started a journey of learning how to prioritise her own needs.

Whether you’re a mum or not, I’m sure you’ll enjoy what Jessica has to share here.

Find out more about Jessica and her work at: http://www.justdetermined.com.