Episode 16 with Tanya Dantus (Heal Your Inner Good Girl Podcast)

In this episode I’m speaking with Tanya Dantus. Tanya is a Mompreneur Empowerment Mentor, helping mums release their guilt and find radical confidence, applying their talents & gifts to creatively expressing themselves in the world, making money along the way.

Tanya is also a mum to an adorable little boy, and married for 3 years. She moved to Germany 2 years ago, so that’s been a whole journey of adaptation, although she is originally from Mexico City, and moved & adapted to California prior, and considers herself more of a global citizen (with 3 passports/nationalities to match it!).

Tanya is a certified Yoga teacher, has a Counseling Psychology master’s degree from Pacifica–and loves depth psychology, feminine psychology/the Divine Feminine & Somatics, as well as spending time in nature, writing & dancing.  Fun Fact: Tanya also reads the Mayan Calendar & fire dances!

In this episode Tanya shares:

  • The ongoing process of learning to dance with her inner good girl and her inner rebel.
  • How she learned to see life as a spiral, rather than a linear path.
  • How to connect with your own inherent worthiness.
  • Why traditional meditation is not the only way to tune into your intuition.
  • Why it’s SO important to be guided by your pleasure.

I loved speaking with Tanya and what came out of our conversation. I’m sure you will too.

Find out more about Tanya and her work at: http://www.tanyadantus.com.

Why you need to give yourself permission to mess up

Something that’s been coming up for myself and my clients recently is the dreaded fear of messing up, of making a mistake or (god forbid) pissing someone off.

This fear is one of the most limiting there is.

As recovering good girls, most of us are also recovering perfectionists. We put a WHOLE heap of pressure on ourselves.

I’m guessing that you like to get it right and for a lot of your life, you HAVE got it right. You learned early on that doing well gains approval from others (parents, teachers, bosses), so you put yourself on an endlessly upward trajectory – always reaching for the next goal and very unlikely to acknowledge how far you’ve already come (because I know you’ve come a LONG way).

And then you started your own business. And suddenly everything wasn’t quite so clear-cut.

Because now you’re in charge. You’re the boss.

And there’s no clear, upward path to follow. Some online marketing might lead you to believe there’s a set 7-step system to success, but very soon you realise that’s not the case.

It’s not at all obvious how to ‘get it right’.

And often when you feel you ARE doing it the ‘right way’ and following the rules, you don’t get the results you hoped for.

All of your life you’ve been following a set path, merrily ticking off achievements. And when you start your own business, it feels like you’ve suddenly been thrown into a whirlpool. Information comes at you from all directions, there seems to be NO logic to how you achieve results (it all seems a bit random a lot of the time) and you’re permanently on an emotional rollercoaster.

So far, so so overwhelming, eh?

So why do we do it? Why do we choose to run our own businesses?

Let me remind you.

We do it because we want to be in control of our own destinies.

We do it because we crave freedom.

We do it because we are creative, visionary women.

We do it because we have something important to share with the world.

We do it because we can’t NOT do it.

But despite ALL of this, a lot of the time we hold ourselves back because we’re scared of making a mistake. We’re stuck in that old linear, goal-driven mindset that we’ve been brought up with.

And that will not serve us now.

Because if you’re not making mistakes, you’re not growing.

If you don’t allow yourself to be disapproved of by some, you won’t be loved by the ones who are YOUR people.

And if you’re making an impact, the fact is that you WILL piss some people off. (I know that’s hard to hear. I have the strongest aversion to feeling that I’ve made anyone angry, but it’s something I’m having to get used to as I grow my business).

Don’t let your good girl fear of messing up get in the way of doing what you’re here to do.

Because, the truth is you CAN’T get it wrong.

Whatever you choose to do, and whatever the outcome, it’s ALL learning. And it’s ALL moving you forward.

The only way you lose is if you hold back, if you try to fit the mould and ‘get it right’.

So here’s my advice for you:

Actively celebrate when you feel like you’ve messed up. Acknowledge and feel the feelings that come up and then choose to celebrate. Each mistake is progress.

Create an unwavering connection to your Unbound Self. Your Unbound Self is the part of you that KNOWS. She’s the being that expresses ALL of you (not just those parts that your inner good girl deems to be acceptable). She is your greatest source of wisdom and inspiration. And she’s your greatest ally in business. Together you are UNSTOPPABLE.

Give yourself permission to experiment. Whenever you have a choice to make, adopt a playful attitude. Let yourself try things out. Take the pressure OFF. You learn through doing, so do.Unmade decisions are one of the biggest energy drains there are, so make a choice. (And remember you can’t get it wrong). See how it goes, learn from it and move take your next step from there.

Permission to mess up, granted!

Your next step: If you want to learn how to harness the power of your Unbound Self and become compellingly attractive to more of your joy-to-work-with clients, join me for my one-day event, The Unbound Voice: a magnetic visibility workshop for women in business. Click here for more details and to claim your space.

On letting go

Where are you holding on right now?

Let go.

Lie down on the earth. Your bed. The floor.

Allow yourself to be supported.

And as you do,

Notice where your body resists this.

Because she will.

Notice where you’re clenching,

Where you’re bracing,

Where you’re gripping onto something nameless.

Perhaps it’s your jaw?

Or your right shoulder?

Your belly?

Your buttocks?

Your feet?

Bring your gentle attention into your body.

Watch.

Notice.

And let go.

Soften.

Relax.

Breathe into those parts that have been holding on for so long.

Make space for yourself.

Gently whisper to your body that it’s okay to let go.

To release.

To breathe out.

Fully and deeply.

She doesn’t have to hold on any more.

It’s okay to be held.

To allow the earth to take her weight.

And be fully, beautifully supported.

Let go.

If you want more inspiration like this, and a space to explore your Unbound Self, come join my free online community – Unbound Living with Nicola Humber. Click here to join us.

Episode 15 with Jacqui McGinn

In this episode I’m speaking with Jacqui McGinn. Jacqui has a background in foreign language teaching in Japan, China and the UK and is a qualified teacher. While living in Japan she began studying spirituality and philosophy. She has been doing ThetaHealing since 2009 and is trained in Subtle Energy Healing, Soul Coaching Oracle Card Reading. She is currently studying space clearing with Denise Linn.

Jacqui’s mission is to empower people to be true to themselves and share their unique gifts and insights with others to empower them too. She is currently researching for a book about narcissism and during our conversation she shares her own experience of being in a relationship with a narcissist and also:

  • How travelling to different countries changed the way she saw herself,
  • Why having a complete mental breakdown helped her identify her traits of people-pleasing and perfectionism,
  • The ‘either/or’ trap,
  • And how the ‘good girl’ can be particularly susceptible to controlling or narcissistic relationships.

I’m sure you’ll enjoy hearing Jacqui speak about how we can feel like we need to be the ‘good girl’ in relationships and how we can break out of that limiting pattern.

Find out more about Jacqui and her work at: jacquimcginn.com.

Links to the Dr Craig Malkin’s books about narcissism that Jacqui mentions in her interview: The Narcissist Test and Rethinking Narcissism

Episode 14 with Ellouise Heather (Heal Your Inner Good Girl Podcast)

In this episode I’m speaking with Ellouise Heather. Ellouise helps women recovering from chronic illness who dread returning to a J.O.B. to find their calling, reveal their true selves and alleviate lingering symptoms.

She’s an accredited Master Coach, writer, and contributing author to the #1 Amazon Bestselling 365 book series. Her motto is, “Be you, be well.” She loves and appreciates walking her little dog, Pepper, in the scenic British countryside and coast.

During our conversation Ellouise shares:

  • How she was made to feel ‘naughty’ about her earliest, Spice Girls inspired, entrepreneurial venture,
  • Why people-pleasing can make us sick and how the need to be a ‘good girl’ led to her having Chronic Fatigue Syndrome,
  • The reason why getting ill can actually be a gift,
  • The mindset you need to move through a healing journey,
  • How your body is always sending you signals and how to identify what they mean for you.

Join Ellouise’s Facebook group at: https://www.facebook.com/groups/BeYouBeWell.

You are a powerful healer

The definition of healing is ‘the process of making or becoming sound or healthy again’.

For me, the key word here is ‘again.’

‘Again’ suggests that you’re getting back to something. And I believe that means getting back to your truest, whole self.

I’ve always had resistance to the word ‘healer’. Recently I’ve been told that my gift is healing a number of times and it doesn’t quite sit well with me.

Because no-one can heal you. Healing isn’t something that someone does TO you.

All healing is self-healing.

YOU are a powerful healer. We all are.

And healing usually happens through challenge, through discomfort and even pain.

Times when everything feels chaotic and uncertain, times when you’re feeling frustrated or stuck.

These are the times when a part of you is being healed.

Another layer is being peeled back.

And this can feel raw, tender, exposing.

You have to be willing.

Willing to sit with the discomfort.

Willing to let the new settle until it becomes normal, familiar and comfortable.

Willing to carve a new way in the world, a fresh way of being.

And to accept the ripples this creates in your reality, the discomfort of those around you, letting go of what no longer fits.

The process is not easy.

And it’s not linear.

You might feel like you’re getting nowhere for the longest time and then, suddenly, you make a quantum leap.

The fact that you’re here reading this means that you are available to this kind of deep, transformative healing.

And I know that’s a two-edged sword. (Believe me, I regularly say to my teachers, ‘Come on! Really? Surely I’ve done enough’.)

But, of course, it’s never ‘done’.

We’re here to learn, to evolve, to get back to the true essence of who we are.

So today, if you feel called, I invite you to reflect on these questions:

  1. What healing balm does the part of you that’s hurting the most need right now? What would soothe her? What would allow her to open and feel love?
  2. What lost parts of you are you ready to call home? What qualities have you disowned or suppressed? How can you let them know you’re ready for them to come back to you?

Often the answers to these questions are very simple. You don’t have to figure it out in your head. Just ask the questions and notice what comes to you.

Take the next step.

Show willing.

Be available.

I’m with you.

Nicola x

What happened when my throat said ‘Enough!’

My throat gave me a real talking to yesterday. Yes, I know that might sound crazy, but I’m in regular communication with the different parts of my body and yesterday my throat was calling for attention.

She was sore, inflamed and raw.

I used to have a lot of problems in my throat – coughs, infections, constriction – but after years of work around expressing myself more fully, I hadn’t heard much from her for ages. In fact, I was starting to feel pretty smug about how I’d cleared my throat chakra issues.

BUT over the past few weeks she has started to call to me again. And yesterday she demanded that I pay attention.

When I checked in with her, I found she was deeply frustrated. Yes, I’ve done a lot of work around expressing myself, but she reminded me of how much I’ve been holding back.

‘Nicola, everything that’s coming up for you right now? You need to express it ALL. So much gets missed. You need to let it out’.

And immediately I understood.

Because over the past few months, I’ve been feeling pushed to take my work in a different direction, to move deeper. I’ve been feeling like I’m on the edge of ‘something’ and waiting for it all to become clearer.

Every time I go out for a walk, I get new ideas and insights coming through. Some of which I’ve journalled on, some of which I’ve shared, but many of which I’ve put to one side, because I felt I needed more clarity.

And my throat has had enough.

NO MORE WAITING!

The clarity will come through expressing, through sharing.

And I KNOW this. I even wrote a blog post about not waiting for clarity a couple of years ago.

But I’ve been sitting and waiting. Holding all of this stuff and hoping it would percolate, that it would begin to come together in a way that makes sense.

And what my throat is now telling me is that these ideas, these insights, need to move. They need to be expressed one way or another.

To let go of that old ‘good girl‘ pattern of waiting until it feels right.

So, I’m going to stop waiting for that elusive lightbulb moment and start sharing what’s coming through for me right now – new insights about connection, our bodies, sex, pleasure, power, feminine energy, cycles, healing, flow, space, simplicity, love.

It might not all hang together perfectly (but as I write those words down I can see how they all do).

I’m going to trust that you don’t need me to stick to one clear subject (which I’ve never really done anyway) and that what I share will make sense in some way, at least to some people.

Not just for me, but because I know that you too probably have many passions and interests, that you’re creative and have more than one thing you want to share with the world. (I know that having a specific niche makes sense, but I’m tired of limiting myself and maybe you are too?)

So, I’m going to be blogging more on whatever comes up for me and putting it out there. My throat demands so.

It feels good to write this, freeing, a relief. Giving myself permission to express, to let my ideas flow.

And I send thanks to my throat for giving me that talking to!

Here’s to listening to the wisdom of our bodies (and acting on it).

Over to you: What is your body trying to tell you right now? Stop for a moment and pay attention. What does she want you to know? Comment below and share what comes through for you and what action you’re choosing to take in response.

Your next step: If you’re feeling on the edge of something right now and struggling to get clarity on your next step, let me help. Click here to access my diary and schedule a time for a complimentary discovery call, where we can explore what’s been holding you back and how I can help you to move forward.

Episode 13 with Jessica Dugas (Heal Your Inner Good Girl Podcast)

In this episode I’m speaking with Jessica Dugas. A New England girl, currently residing in Alabama, Jessica is a wife and homeschooling mom to six children from 8 months to 15 years old.

She started her company Just Determined in 2013 as a way to communicate and document her journey into a holistic lifestyle and provide inspiration to other families who wanted to do the same. Feeling a calling, she started incorporating coaching mums into her practice. In 2016 she created the Mom’s Online Mastermind, where she helps mums decrease the stress and overwhelm in their lives by helping them find a balance that works for them.

During our conversation, Jessica shares how she spent years putting everyone else’s needs above her own and how this impacted on her both physically and mentally. After a double bereavement, Jessica decided to take personal responsibility for her self-care and started a journey of learning how to prioritise her own needs.

Whether you’re a mum or not, I’m sure you’ll enjoy what Jessica has to share here.

Find out more about Jessica and her work at: http://www.justdetermined.com.

Episode 12 with Caylie Price (Heal Your Inner Good Girl Podcast)

In this episode I’m speaking with Client Attraction Coach, Caylie Price. Caylie is the creator of FB Live to Thrive and she teaches you how leverage Facebook Live to get confident, clients and cash.

During our conversation Caylie shares her own experience of trying to fit in and be the ‘good girl’. She talks about how the inner good girl can show up when we’re trying to be visible in our businesses and gives us some simple ways to feel more comfortable with livestreaming.

Not sure where to start with livestreaming? Click here to grab your copy of Caylie’s 15 Simple Facebook Live Topics To Boost Your List Growth And Sales.

Find out more about Caylie and her work at: http://betterbusinessbetterlife.com.au

The Permission Slip – A Masterclass in Intuition

10 years ago I went on a self-development holiday in Greece. I’d wanted to go on this holiday for years and finally gave myself permission to book it.

During the week you had the chance to attend a number of different workshops and one I was attracted to was called ‘Guided Writing With Your Higher Self’. I had NO idea what this was. I certainly had no clear sense of what my ‘Higher Self’ was. But something was calling me to take this class so I did.

In this daily class we did different mediations and visualisations, then wrote about the experience in our notebooks. This was my first experience of doing anything like this and I kept feeling like I was just ‘making it up’, although I did get some very clear visual images coming through to me.

On the last day we were invited to connect with our Higher Selves and allow our pens to be guided across the page to see what emerged. To be honest I didn’t expect much. Some people seemed to be getting pages and pages of clear and powerful statements. I got mostly squiggles! I was determined not to force it. If I WAS connecting with my Higher Self (and I was sceptical of that at the time), I wanted any words to come from that part of me.

Eventually two words emerged on the page: ‘Teach’ and Trust’.

‘Trust’ made sense to me. I was in my mid-thirties and in the midst of an evolving process of trying to discover my way in life.

But ‘Teach’? I certainly didn’t want to be a teacher. I was thinking about teaching in the traditional sense. Standing at the front of a classroom with a group of schoolchildren.

I didn’t imagine that I could teach in any other way. And I certainly didn’t feel I had anything of real value to offer to the world.

But ten years on, I AM teaching. And in a way that is unique to me.

I’m teaching women to connect with their personal power, to be their fullest, most brilliant selves and to create the lives they truly desire.

And it all started from tapping into (and trusting) my intuition all those years ago.

Often we’ve been brought up not to listen to our own inner wisdom. I  certainly spent a long time looking outside for the answers and it wasn’t at all easy to access my intuition initially.

But this is where the magic lies. In that quiet, wise voice within you.

That’s why the luminous Leah Kent and I have put together a special intuition training for you. It’s called The Permission Slip. How to let go of the ‘shoulds’ and start leading with intuition, so you can create the life you truly desire.

In this intuition masterclass, we take you through a process designed to help you:

  • Get clear on what intuition is and why it’s SO important
  • Discover the ways your intuition can get shut down and the impact this has on you and your life
  • Learn 3 simple ways to switch your intuition back on
  • Tune into your body to learn what you need to do (or not do!) next
  • Give yourself permission to do or be what’s perfect for you right now

You can watch the whole class below:

Please comment below to share any insights you experienced during the masterclass and ask any questions you have around intuition.

And if you’re feeling called to explore how you can work with me 1:1 to access your intuition, discover your TRUE desires and manifest them into your reality, click here to schedule a free (completely no-obligation) Discovery Call with me now.