The 3 toxic myths that stop you from connecting with other UNBOUND women

Sisterhood is one of the key principles of living UNBOUND.

As UNBOUND women we can often feel different, weird and isolated. The people around us are likely to not quite get us. So we need to find a circle of sisters who are on the same path.

But you may find that you resist coming together with other women. And there is a reason for this. Because from a very young age (and even before that) women are conditioned to believe a concoction of poisonous stories which leave them feeling confused and ambivalent about the idea of sisterhood.

Here are the three main myths that are standing in the way of you connecting with other UNBOUND women.

Myth One: Supporting other women means sacrificing your own needs

This first myth means that many of us have the idea that being within a group of women will drain our energy.

Now I’m sure we’ve all experienced that dynamic in the past, either within a group of friends, at a workshop or course, or even within a Facebook group. You end up feeling like you’re supporting everyone else and receiving nothing back. Or you spend the whole time listening to other women bitching and complaining about how things are for them, leaving you feeling depleted rather than uplifted.

This can also happen in one-to-one friendships, where you feel like you’re always the one in the supporting role and the relationship has become out of balance.

When I connect with women who are considering stepping into one of my group coaching programs, this is often one of their major concerns.

I get it. Because I’ve always felt more comfortable in one-to-one situations myself. And I know that part of this is the fear that my energy will be diffused by being within a group. (There are also some other, more insidious reasons which I’ll be sharing shortly).

But the truth is that this draining dynamic often arises because of the deeply ingrained belief that most women carry that other’s needs are more important than our own.

As little girls, most of us are brought up to be the nurturers, the caretakers, the ones who look after others. So when we become adults, we continue to take that role in our friendships and other connections.

We sacrifice our own needs to meet the needs of others.

And this plays out in groups of women, over and over again, often leaving individuals within those groups feeling either resentful that they’ve given too much or guilty that they haven’t given enough.

It’s time to shatter that old belief and create a new way of being in community. Because to be amongst sisters, to be seen, heard and recognised for who you truly are, is one of the most healing and transformative experiences there is.

I know you’ve felt that before, that moment when someone TRULY gets you. Often it’s only fleeting, but when it happens, it’s magical, isn’t it?

When a woman gets to share her truth in circle, to be seen and heard as she truly is in that moment, with no justification or modification or adaptation. That is how transformation occurs.

Myth Two: Other women are our competition

The idea that we need to compete with other women is one of the Patriarchy’s most pernicious lies.

From an early age, we receive the mixed messages that although good girls should play nicely, be friendly and look after each other, you also need to watch out because the other girls may be prettier, cleverer, more popular and talented than you.

The media pedals the idea that other women are out to get your man, bitch about you to your friends, take that promotion you’ve been dreaming of, steal your best ideas and slyly put you down behind your back or to your face.

No wonder we get so confused about female friendships!

On one hand we feel a pull to be with other women and on the other we have a fear of being betrayed, or hurt, or abandoned.

So we hold back.

We compare ourselves to others and fall for the bullshit story that if she has more than I must have less.

We’ve been conditioned to pull other women down, rather than to lift them up and celebrate their successes.

But there’s an even more destructive myth that makes it impossible for us to be comfortable in groups of other women.

Myth Three: Being in sisterhood will get me killed

Okay, I know this sounds dramatic. But just think back for a moment. Have you ever been in a group of women and experienced a full body urge to get out and run away?

I know I have. Many times.

And this used to freak me out. I thought there must be something deeply wrong with me.

But then I started to read more about the burning times, the witch trials of the past, when women were tortured and forced to turn against each other in order to save themselves.

Friend against friend.

Sister against sister.

Daughter against mother.

And as I worked on my own intermittent and disproportionate fear of being in circle with women, I recognised that this mortal fear came from a combination of past lives, ancestral and collective wounds.

These are wounds that many of us carry. Because the truth is that if you’re an UNBOUND woman, you most likely were and are a witch, a potently magical being.

And because of that you may also be carrying this profound and paralysing fear of coming together  with other women.

At deep and subconscious level, the concept of sisterhood feels life-threatentiag.

This is why it’s so incredibly healing and transformative to be in a group with other women, to acknowledge any fears that arise, to recognise the witch wound, and to create a new story about the power of sisterhood.

If you want to be part of creating this new story, click here to come join my community of UNBOUND women.

If you want to connect more deeply with your own, most potently magical, UNBOUND self, click here to download my free Meeting Your Unbound Self Visualisation.

And if this resonated with you, please use the share buttons below to share this article with other UNBOUND women like you.

Can Discipline be Divine?

I’ve never liked the word ‘discipline’. To me it always suggests someone forcing some kind of regime on me, as if I’m being made to do something which involves suffering.

In fact, the dictionary definition of ‘discipline’ is:

‘The practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behaviour, using punishment to correct disobedience.’

Eurgh! Those words have me running for the hills. And as an UNBOUND woman, I’m guessing that you probably feel the same?

But recently I’ve been pondering on what it takes to be the most potently magical I can be. And I realised that there is room for discipline in my life. Now, please don’t click away in disgust at the very thought of this! Bear with me, as I’m going to explain my reasoning.

The truth is that in order to be UNBOUND, to be our fullest, most powerful and magnificent selves, we need some kind of structure to support us. We need the many and varied parts of us to be operating at their fullest potential.

We need Divine Discipline.

What I mean by this is not discipline in service simply to ourselves, and certainly not to some other person we’re trying to please. As the name suggests, Divine Discipline is in service to something other, to the Divine, to the animating source of all that is.

When I started to re-imagine discipline in this way, I felt activated rather than oppressed.

Something within me wanted to commit, to give of myself, to serve something greater.

This was not about sticking to some external set of rules, but rather creating a code for myself, a code that would allow me to be all I can be.

As my first act of Divine Discipline, I committed to walking for two hours each day for thirty days. I knew that this would be a high potency practice for me and I also knew that it would demand discipline. It’s a stretch. I love walking but taking two hours out of every day is a big commitment (particularly on days when I’m busy with clients or when it’s raining for the whole two hours I’m out walking!)

But thinking about this being in service to the Divine kept me on track. I completed my thirty days on Thanksgiving morning and I intend to continue with this practice, as it feeds me in so many ways. It creates space and structure in my days, I get to connect with nature, I feel more creative and physically strong AND I’m making a powerful offering to the Divine.

Discipline is no longer a dirty word, something to be resisted. I’m actively inviting more Divine Discipline into my life because it makes me infinitely more magical.

As with everything UNBOUND, the way we perceive things is key. As an UNBOUND woman, you need to find ways to be at your most potent without feeling that you’re sacrificing any of your freedom. This can be a subtle balancing act, as I’ve found both personally and through working with my one-to-one clients. The words we choose, the way we choose to relate to the world within and around us, the way we see ourselves – these are all part of the spells we are casting and we do that either consciously or unconsciously.

I’m choosing to share my insights around Divine Discipline with you, both as a way of demonstrating the subtlety that walking a truly UNBOUND path demands and also to invite you to re-imagine your own relationship with discipline.

Here are some questions that will help you to reflect on this more deeply:

What have my experiences of discipline been in the past? How could I choose to reclaim my relationship with discipline in order to be at my most potently magical?

What do I feel called to offer up in service to the Divine? What could be part of my personal Divine Discipline practice?

Where am I feeling stuck or stalled in my life and/or business right now? In what subtle way could I choose to see this differently? What words could I use that would allow me to feel more powerful?

I’d love to hear your thoughts around this. Click here to come join us in my free Facebook community and share your reflections. See you over there!

Let me introduce you to the Bound Self

Earlier this year, I had one of those realisations that can change everything. As I was journaling on what it means to live an unbound life and tuning into the essence of me that is expansive, abundant and boundless, I recognised that there is also a part of me that actually wants to be restricted, tied down and limited.

There must be. Because otherwise I’d be experiencing complete boundlessness in my life. And I’m not.

I have times when I feel deliciously unbound, expansive and free.

I also have times when I feel bound by my circumstances. And if having is evidence of wanting (as one of my mentors, Carolyn Elliott, so eloquently suggests), then a part of me must want to be bound.

Although this idea was shocking to me initially, as I journaled on the idea of the Bound Self, I began to understand her motivations.

We all say we want to be free, to live a life with no restrictions or limitations, but the truth is that freedom comes with a whole host of complications – personal responsibility, the need to make choices, the need to decide what we really want and to claim it.

None of this is easy. Particularly when you haven’t been encouraged to live an unbound life by your family, your schooling and society in general.

How much easier it is to do what you’re told, to let someone else take responsibility, to allow yourself to be moulded by someone else’s desire?

In contrast to the Inner Good Girl, who wants to please others and is externally motivated, the Bound Self is purely internally motivated. She’s like the Inner Good Girl’s edgier, stranger and more powerful, older sister.

She wants to be bound because it feels good.

She enjoys the feeling of limitation.

Paradoxically, there’s something freeing for her about being tied down.

She appreciates the sensations of restriction and the drama of having few or no choices.

She savours it all.

And you might be reading this saying, ‘No, that’s not me. I don’t have a part of me that enjoys being bound’.

I understand.

This is an uncomfortably confronting idea.  But I invite you to reflect on your life and notice whether there’s a particular area (or areas) where your Bound Self is showing up.

Maybe it’s staying in a corporate job where you feel like you’re sacrificing your true self?

Perhaps it’s the way you’ve built your business, which means you’re stuck doing things in a masculine, linear way that leaves you feeling dead inside?

Maybe it’s staying in a relationship where you’re not able to express yourself fully, leaving you feeling stifled and frustrated?

There are endless ways the Bound Self can manifest her shadowy desires. She’s potently magical. And she gets her energy from the fact that we don’t tend to recognise or acknowledge her.

We endlessly strive for freedom and feel frustrated when we come up against limitation.

We focus on getting out of the box, rather than wondering if we could possibly enjoy the sensations of curling up within it.

And in doing this, we deny our Bound Self. We make her wrong. We shame her.

That’s why we keep finding ourselves in the same painful patterns of limitation and scarcity. Because the Bound Self is unconsciously beavering away under the surface.

So, what do we do to change this programming?

The answer is very simple. And also very challenging.

We let the Bound Self come out to play. We give her some space. We acknowledge and honour her.

When we give approval to the Bound Self, when we allow her to enjoy the limitation she’s created (rather than shaming her for it), she doesn’t have to work so hard.

Everything frees up. And a ton of energy is released.

(Once again, this is something I learned from my fellow witch, Carolyn Elliott, and her practice of Existential Kink, which she teaches in Influence, her class on practical magic).

Let me give you an example of how I’ve allowed my Bound Self to experience the pleasure of limitation.

Recently I set an intention to bring a certain amount of money into my business by the end of the year. As part of this, and in line with traditional Law of Attraction techniques, I allowed myself to get excited about what it would feel like to reach my expansive money goal. Doing this met the needs of my Unbound Self.

Then, to acknowledge the unconscious, shadowy desires of my Bound Self, I allowed myself to also imagine what it would be like if I made NO money in my business between now and the end of the year. And rather than sliding into panic about this, I let myself get excited about this possibility too – the shame, the drama, the feeling of restriction. I knew my Bound Self would love it and I spent some time allowing her to enjoy these feelings.

Obviously this doesn’t tie in with the traditional Law of Attraction teachings, because you’re giving energy to something you don’t consciously want. But the fact is that if there is any kind of limitation showing up in your life right now, then there is an unconscious desire for this. Your Bound Self will be at play whether you acknowledge her or not.

And, of course, it’s not easy to give approval to the Bound Self. Because we’re not taught to allow or even acknowledge these kind of shadowy desires (although it’s likely you will see evidence of their manifestations all around you). This is a practice and it can take time to move into a place of approval towards the Bound Self. (And when you do, this feeling of approval may be fleeting).

But whenever you do access a feeling of approval towards her, even if it’s just momentary, something magical happens. You stop being attached to what you believe you want, your conscious desires, and enter that transformational (and elusive) place of true non-resistance.

This is the alchemy of shadow integration.

I know that the idea of the Bound Self can be mind-twisting, so I’ll finish with some questions that will help you to explore what I’ve talked about in this article for yourself.

What would it be like to invite your Bound Self into your awareness? What does she look like? How does she move? What does she say to you?

Look back on your life. Are there particular areas where it feels like your Bound Self has been at play? What was it that she desired in these situations?

What does it feel like to acknowledge your Bound Self? How does she respond to being acknowledged?

I could go on, because this is fascinating to explore, but I’ll leave you with these questions to be getting on with. And if you want to carry on the conversation about the Bound Self, head on over to my free Facebook group and share your reflections. Click here to come join us.

The Surprising Power of Keeping a Secret

Secrecy is not something that’s generally encouraged. Secrets tend to be associated with shame, something that needs to be hidden. We’ve all had (or have) secrets like that and you can feel how they drain your energy.

However, there is a type of secret that can be energising. A secret that you choose to keep, just for yourself. Not because you have to, but because you want to.

In this era of social media and radical openness, there is little kept hidden or mysterious. There’s an urge, an expectation even, to share everything that happens to us on a daily basis.

But there’s often little thought as to whether this sharing is energising or draining. When we feel the need to habitually share, share, share, it diffuses our energy.

I remember an experience when I was travelling in Peru. It was before the days of social media, but still most people were taking lots of photos and so was I. I wanted to document my journey, so I could share the photos with friends and family and look back at them myself. But there was one guy who didn’t have a camera. When I spoke to him he said he’d made a conscious decision not to take photos during his trip. He wanted to be fully in the moment and he wanted it just for him.

This was unusual then, but it would be even more surprising now in the Instagram age of sharing every detail of our day. And I’m not against sharing. It can build connection and community. But when we’re sharing continually, or feel like we should be sharing continually, our energy is being directed outwards.

Conscious secrets can bring that energy back.

Recently I started an experimental practice of walking for 2 hours every day for 30 days. My initial impulse when I got the idea was to document and share the process with my online community. But I very soon realised that I wanted to keep this experience just for me. The whole idea of this walking practice was to give myself space, to nurture the body, mind and spirit in a powerful way. I sensed that the potency of this practice would be lost, or at least diffused if I was sharing as I went.

So I made a decision to keep this experiment secret. When I was out on my walks I didn’t take my usual photos. Instead I chose to drink in each moment for myself. And this felt powerful.

We have so many choices right now and so many opportunities to share our experiences. This is a wonderful thing. But just because we have opportunities doesn’t mean we have to use them all.

I come into contact with so many women who are passionate about changing the world, creating new ways and helping others, but many of them are getting burned out and feeling drained because they feel a pressure to be ‘on’ constantly and to be sharing with their communities daily. If you are one of these women, please know we need you to be at your most potently magical (not exhausted and run down).

One way you could do this is to experiment with the idea of conscious secret-keeping. Here are some questions to reflect on which will help you to get started:

Where are you diffusing your energy by sharing right now?

What project or idea are you working on that it would feel powerful to keep secret?

How do you feel about secrets in general?

Take some time to answer these questions and, if you feel called, I’d love to hear your responses. Comment below and let me know what comes up for you.

In the meantime, I wonder if you can take these words as permission to experiment with keeping more for yourself?

Here’s to nurturing the infinite mystery of you.

The 7 Principles of Deep Prosperity

One of the themes that comes up time and time again for me personally, with my clients and in my UNBOUND community, is how to create a truly abundant, sustainable income in a way that feels good.

What I’ve found over the past few years is that for us unbound women, it’s not enough to work on your own individual money stuff, sit back and watch your income increase. Although working through your personal money blocks is helpful, your soul demands more than that.

Throughout 2017 I’ve been exploring what is going to be demanded of us, as we move forward and create new ways of being and creating in the world. Because the one thing we can be sure of right now is that new ways are required. Our Unbound Selves won’t allow us to sit within the old structures. We are being called to create the new, rather than trying to squeeze into the existing ways.

This is why so many unbound women struggle to bring in the money they desire. (If you’re one of them, know you’re not alone). Even if you’ve been following all the advice that’s out there and you’ve done a huge amount of inner work, most of this is based on the old ways. And these will not work for you.

It’s time for something different.

That’s why moving forward all of the work I do personally and with my clients will be based on the principles of Deep Prosperity.

What are these principles? Well, they’re still forming and I’ll be inviting the women who work with me in 2018 to help evolve them, but in basic terms Deep Prosperity is bone deep. As an unbound woman it’s not enough to experience prosperity at surface level, it has to run through every aspect of your life and business, and flow out into the collective.

Here are the guiding principles:

KINDNESS I commit to making money in a way that’s deeply kind to myself, to others and to the planet.

CONSCIOUS I commit to making conscious choices about how I spend and make my money.

FREEDOM I commit to making and spending money in a way that supports the freedom of myself and others.

COLLECTIVE I understand that the way I relate to money doesn’t just impact me, but the collective. I commit to bringing more love and generosity into my relationship with money with the intention of healing the collective.

CONTRIBUTION I commit to contributing a proportion of any money I make to good causes, either individuals or organisations that are working to create new ways.

ABUNDANCE I remember that we live in an abundant Universe. I commit to allowing money to flow, to create, to surprise, to delight and to expand.

CONNECTION I commit to using money in a way that builds connection with myself and others, rather than fostering competition and isolation.

These are the principles of Deep Prosperity as they stand. As I said, they will surely evolve over the coming year and beyond as I co-create with the women who step forward to work with me in 2018.

And please know that Deep Prosperity is a practice not a set of rules. I’m certainly not meeting all of these commitments all of the time. The idea is to invite these principles into your life and business and explore what happens.

As a starting point, here are some questions to reflect on:

What do the words Deep Prosperity mean to me?

Which of the above principles resonate with me most? How can I bring more of this quality into my personal relationship with money right now?

How do I want to change the way I experience money over the next twelve months? What would help me to do that?

If you want to be part of the ongoing conversation around Deep Prosperity and how to create a new way to relate to money, click here to join my free online community – UNBOUND with Nicola Humber. See you over there my fellow UNBOUND woman.

3 Simple Shifts That Will Make You Prosper in Your Witchy Business

I remember the very last day of my hypnotherapy training. After a year-long course covering everything we needed to be amazing hypnotherapists and coaches, on the last morning there was  short session on how to actually run your own business.

It went something like this: 1) Get a website. 2) Tell everyone about what you do.

And that was pretty much it.

It’s been the same with any other therapeutic and magical trainings I’ve done since. There’s usually little or no teaching about how to actually get paid for what you’re being trained to offer. This results in lots and lots of incredibly skilled practitioners, most of whom are unable to make a sustainable, let alone abundant, income from their businesses.

And this pisses me off. Because the world needs more entrepreneurial witches. But most of the information out there about how to build a successful business is distinctly mundane and surface-level. The ubiquitous ‘7 Steps to Your First Million Dollars’ webinars and ebooks that you see online just don’t work for us witches. We need something, well, more magical.

So, after 7-plus years of experimenting in my own business, in this essay I’m sharing three key shifts that will help you to get abundantly well paid for what you do.

1) F**k the funnel. Let’s spiral

You may have heard of the term ‘funnel’ when it comes to sales and marketing. It’s meant to describe the client journey from initially becoming aware of you, to active interest and eventually purchasing your product or service.

Now I have no problem at all with sales and marketing. These are the processes that enable us to reach the people we’re here to help. But I do have a problem with the word ‘funnel’.

When I think of a sales and marketing funnel, my heart sinks. My mind conjours up an image of a giant sausage machine, with potential clients falling into the top and going through this horrible, mechanical process.

I know, I know! A funnel doesn’t have to be like that, but my mind just won’t have it. There is nothing sexy or compelling about the idea of a funnel. Our subconscious minds respond to metaphors and symbols. And this is why it’s crucial that the ideas we use in our businesses are resonant.

That’s why I prefer to think of a marketing spiral.

For me, the nature of the spiral more fully describes both the process my potential clients experience from the time they first become aware of me, and also the process I undertake when I come into contact with some kind of coach or practitioner I might want to work with as a client.

The spiral symbolises the journey of life, a gradual unfolding, an expansion and deepening of consciousness. Now, isn’t that a darn sight more sexy than a funnel?

The way I envision it, when someone first becomes aware of my work, they step onto a spiral with me. From whichever point they access the spiral, maybe through downloading one of my free resources, reading one of my books, or joining my Facebook group, we begin to co-create a experience. And that collaborative experience is unique for each person who steps onto the spiral.

The spiral also represents the way that at times, our potential clients may move further away from us. There may be points where they feel resistance to what we’re sharing and they retreat. But the spiral continues and if they don’t decide to step off completely, they will circle around again, always from a slightly different perspective.

The spiral is a journey deeper. It’s organic. And very much magical.

So, would it unlock something within you if you imagined your marketing in terms of a spiral, rather than a funnel? Are they any other words that trigger you when it comes to business? What other, more resonant, words could you choose?

2) Unbound pricing

Pricing can be a source of continual confusion and conflict for entrepreneurial witches. Often it’s tricksy to define the precise nature of what we do and that means it can be challenging to put a price on our services.

There’s a temptation to crowdsource prices, to compare with others or think purely in terms of hourly rates. But all of this ignores the unique quality of what you offer. It negates your magic.

The truth is that the very essence of who you are and what you do in the world is transformational. So when you’re choosing your prices (and yes, it’s YOU who gets to choose your prices), you need to consider the unique transformation you offer to your clients.

You also need to choose prices that allow you to be well-rewarded for what you do. (Note: It’s okay to be well-rewarded for what you do).

If the prices you charge mean that you’re going to be working all the hours just to get by, then you’re likely to be unconsciously repelling clients. Because, one, you’ll be exhausted, two, you’ll be resentful at some level and three, you’ll be continually anxious about money. All of this adds up to a big pile of heavy resistance.

So, when it comes to pricing, unbind yourself from others’ expectations and limiting stories about what you should or shouldn’t charge. Dissolve the old enchantments you have around money and your ability to receive it. Be aware of the energetic nature of pricing. Consider the transformation you offer your clients. And allow yourself to take into account what you actually want to receive.

If you want more help around setting your prices, click here to download my free unbound pricing guide.

3) Focus on what keeps YOU up at night

One of the standard pieces of marketing advice is to focus on what keeps your ideal clients up at night. The idea is that once you know what this is, you can share content around it and this will appeal to and attract people who want to work with you.

I get that. It makes sense, doesn’t it?

But as the unashamedly selfish witch I am, I’d much rather share what keeps me up at night. Whether it’s something I’m worrying about or something that I’m so excited about I can’t sleep, I want to be talking about that.

And this is not entirely selfish, of course. Because I know that if something is keeping me awake at night, then it’s bound to be on the mind of my potential and existing clients too.

This essay is a case in point. The idea for this article literally came knocking at 2am on a Friday morning when I was tucked up in bed and trying to get back to sleep. I felt an electrical sense of energy in every cell of my body, as the words started coming through in fully formed sentences. I knew that I had to share it.

Compare this to previous times in my business when I would have tried to stick to a rigid process of sharing one blog post per week based on what I thought my ideal clients wanted to hear. Although I created some good, helpful content, there was a dullness about it. Because it wasn’t lighting me up.

This year I made a commitment to share whenever something comes up for me, rather than sticking to a rigid, good-girl, consistent process. And I trust that whatever I’m sharing will be compelling to my audience. If it’s not, I still get to benefit from the creative process of expressing myself fully. So, at the very least it’s a win. And more often than not, it’s a win-win, because what I’m sharing resonates deeply with many of the women who read it.

So, what’s keeping you awake at night right now? What would it be like to share freely from that place?

If you’d like to explore the nuances of running a prosperous and aligned business, click here to join my free online community, UNBOUND with Nicola Humber.

And if this article has resonated with you, please click the share button below to share with other UNBOUND women like you.

Episode 23 with Ali Roff (Heal Your Inner Good Girl Podcast)

In this episode I’m speaking with Ali Roff. Ali is a practicing self-love warrior, Dossier editor at Psychologies magazine and certified coach. Voyaging on her own journey towards greater self-love, self-belief and self-esteem, Ali is currently working on founding a community which helps women cultivate more self-love through looking inside themselves for the answers, in order to live happier and more fulfilled, successful lives. 

During our conversation, Ali shares:

  • How experiences from school led to her losing a sense of trust in herself and questioning her own values.
  • Why trying to fit in with society’s idea of success left her, and many other women, with a feeling that something was missing from her life.
  • How deciding to leave a spirit-crushing job in finance to follow her dream of being a journalist was her first real act of rebellion against the expectations of others.

Find out more about Ali and her work at:

The strange reason you’ve been feeling like an outsider

Many of the women I work with as clients and within my online UNBOUND community tell me that connection is one of their most important values. It is for me too (alongside freedom).

But from my own experience and from speaking with these same women, I’ve noticed that we often feel detached from life in some way, isolated. It’s as if there’s a big party going on and we’re standing outside on tiptoes looking through the window, wondering how the hell everyone else seems to be having such a good time.

This is a lonely feeling. And when you value connection so highly, it can be deeply confusing to experience this profound sense of disconnection. It’s like being unable to stay fully plugged into the richness of life.

I’ve wondered for a long time why this might be. Not least because this is something I’ve struggled with myself. I’ve cultivated a deep sense of connection in my work, but often outside of that, even with close friends and family, I can feel like an observer, like I’m not fully present.

And I know there could be a lot of reasons for feeling like an outsider. Right now the world is not exactly set up for unbound women. So we can end up feeling ‘other’ in some way. But I want to share with you something that’s bubbled up into my awareness recently, because maybe it will resonate with you?

The question…

A question that popped into my head recently as I was journaling on this feeling of detachment was, have I ever truly allowed myself to arrive here in my physical body, on this planet Earth?

Maybe this seems like a strange question? I mean, of course I ‘arrived’! I’m here, aren’t I? And as I sit here writing this, on my porch, in the early October sunshine, I’ve been here for nearly 46 years.

But am I fully here?

Is there a part of me that resisted arriving?

When I ask myself this last question, the answer clearly comes back as a ‘Yes’. And if you’ll indulge me, I’lll share some more of my story to explain why this might be (and why a part of you may have resisted arriving too).

First experiences

My very first experiences in this life were traumatic. When my mother was six days beyond her prescribed due date, doctors decided that labour should be induced. Her waters were broken and I was eventually born via forceps.

The message here was quite clearly that nature (and my mother’s body) did not know best. My soft baby head was wrenched out into the world between a pair of forceps. Welcome Nicola!

The whole energy around my birth is one of panic, of rushing and being forced into a world I wasn’t ready for.

No wonder I wanted to dwell in my mother’s womb a little longer.

As a side note, please know, I’m not blaming anyone here. This was back in the early seventies. I was my mother’s first child and the prevailing idea was that medical doctors knew best. And maybe the way I was born was for the best? Maybe there would have been complications if I’d been born any other way? Who knows?

But I can see that maybe this is part of the reason why I didn’t allow myself to truly arrive here. A part of me wanted to hold back, retreat, not fully land in my physical experience.

And it’s not just during birth that this resistance to being present can show up. As the sensitive, unbound women we are, the day-to-day push and shove of ‘normal’ life can feel traumatic. Each time someone doesn’t get you, every time you don’t feel seen or heard, every time you can’t find the words to fully describe your experience, to make yourself understood, a part of you can long to go home.

But if you believe, as I do, that each of us has chosen to be here at this time, then you are home. So, the question is, what might help you to allow yourself to be fully here?

An idea to play with and three power questions

One idea I’m playing with is to hold some kind of Arrival Ceremony. The purpose of this ceremony would be to honour and send deep love to the part of me that has resisted being here, to let her know she is understood and to gently invite her to join me in making a decision to fully arrive. To create a ritual that claims my place on the Earth and in my body. To choose to be here in a way that feels good for me. And to acknowledge that every experience I’ve had so far has led me to a place where I’m able to make this conscious choice for myself. Choosing to fully land here from an empowered place of knowing.

How does that sound?

Maybe you’re reading this and thinking, ‘Nicola, what are you talking about? This doesn’t speak to me’. And if that’s the case, thank you for hearing me out.

But if this idea resonates with you, then I invite you to ask yourself:

What do I need to do to allow myself to fully arrive?

What does the part of me that’s resisted being here need right now?

How can I make myself feel more at home here in this physical body?

Listen to the answers you receive and if you’d like to share, come join me over in my free online community for UNBOUND women. I’d love to hear what comes up for you around this.

I’ll be hosting a virtual Arrival Ceremony later this month. Click here for more details and to claim your space.

And if this article has resonated with you, click the share button below to share with other UNBOUND women like you.

Episode 22 with Diana Rickman (Heal Your Inner Good Girl Podcast)

In the episode I’m speaking with Diana Rickman. Diana works with women who have suffered a miscarriage, difficult pregnancy or traumatic birth. She helps them to acknowledge and accept their birth story so that they can release anger, guilt and disappointment and feel ready to enjoy a new pregnancy.

Diana is a Level 3 Emotional Freedom Technique and matrix re-imprinting practitioner with over 15 years experience of using and sharing EFT.  She’s helped her clients clear thousands of stories, beliefs and negative feelings. 

In 2015 she founded the mission-driven media and education venture ‘Your Emotionally Strong Life’.  Her podcast ‘The Emotional Freedom Show’ is available on iTunes and she is a co-author of The Book of Inspiration for Women by Women. Diana offers 121 sessions and regularly runs group training and workshops.

During our conversation, Diana shares:

  • How for many years she would do anything for anybody (apart from herself!) and suffered from extreme people-pleasing, leaving her feeling constrained and stifled.
  • How by pushing down a whole side of her personality, she developed a whole load of physical symptoms, including heart palpitations, eczema and food intolerances.
  • Why in becoming more of herself throughout her forties, she now has more energy and enthusiasm than ever.
  • And how the inner good girl can show up during the birth experience and stop women from asking for what they want.

Find out more about Diana and her work at:

Episode 21 with Danielle Drozd (Heal Your Inner Good Girl Podcast)

In this episode I’m speaking with Danielle Drozd.  Danielle is a writer, teacher, confidence coach and mentor.  After 14 years in the blue-chip, corporate world of supply chain, she decided to change her life in order to achieve authentic success.

Danielle shares her life-changing journey, in her debut book I Have a Dream, a teaching memoir which ignited a desire to share her knowledge and empower others to find meaning. Subsequently, Danielle went on to publish a poetry anthology Voice of the Soul and a book Confidence through Courage teaching the reader how to grow into confidence.

As a coach, Danielle works with people to get clarity on personal roadblocks, to define a route for building confidence, and acts as a cheerleader for taking action.  Danielle lives by the mantra ‘Be the best version of you, ignite courage and take action!’

During our conversation Danielle shares:

  • How finding a female mentor helped her to challenge the good girl behaviours that had been holding her back in a male-dominated industry.
  • The power of doing one small thing that scares you every day in growing your confidence.
  • The void you can experience when you know deep down you’re doing work that doesn’t ignite your soul.
  • How listening to her intuition led to her writing not one, but three books!
  • And the transformation and creativity that can come out of the darkest of times.

Find out more about Danielle and her work at: